Today is a post in response to Marie from ‘Journeying Beyond Breast Cancer’, who found the idea from Jen of ‘Keep the Calm’. The challenge is to post a photograph of yourself (or something that represents you) which captures the ‘you’ of the past little while.
So this is my photograph. It’s so peaceful looking and calm, but in reality we were travelling across Hungary in the backseat of a car, and I was trying not to vomit from the motion sickness. Zsolt thought I looked pretty. 🙂 And I think so too, in my no-longer-nauseous reflection on the photograph.
But that’s not why I chose this photograph. The past six months . . . okay, the past NINE months (gag!) have been both wonderful and difficult. We are searching for ‘the big break’ in terms of careers & living on our own (cause yes, we’re still with my parents), feeling as though we haven’t settled, desperate, once again, to find a sense of home. And yet I am home with my family – something I’ve lacked for many years. We can get together for dinner, go for tea, share a beautiful day . . .
Both wonderful and difficult. All the while, I’m there in the back of that car waiting for resolution. With little bursts of success like my freelancing (at the detriment to my creative writing) and Zsolt’s consulting, we move forward. We are moving forward. I am saturated in the family I’ve been missing so much. Things are good. Things are a little hard.
But what you don’t know is at the end of this car ride we pulled up to a home where there were dogs in the yard, pigs in the pen, chicken running round, and a family with open hearts and tables filled with food. The good stuff exists (and much of it is already here), so I can tolerate this ‘ in-between’ness, because I’m certain it won’t last forever.
(Though displacement does appear to arrive in waves. That is the life of a person who travels, home is where the heart is . . . except we leave bits of our hearts wherever we go.)
Would you like to join the challenge? Post a photograph of yourself, or something that represents you, and let us know the story (or don’t since a picture is already speaking at least a thousand words). You can post the link here, or on Marie or Jen’s pages. I’m sure we’d all love to see.
Take care,
Catherine
Bumpyboobs ~CatherineBrunelleWrites 
Catherine, I love your contribution to the challenge. A pensive photo that tells it all. I also rose to the challenge with a post I published yesterday. It was a fun exercise. xx
I look forward to seeing it, Jan. Will check it out soon. 🙂
thanks so much for participating. and sharing a part of your life. it is a lovely photo. you look at home, even if it is just in meditation to getting there and holding your breath for the next phase.
“We are moving forward.” -> that’s the most important thing 🙂 All will fall into place dear Catherine. Loved the photo and it really captures what you describe you were feeling at the time.
Catherine this is so eloquent and beautiful – thank you so much for sharing this picture and your thoughts. It strikes me that you are in a transitional phase – as so many of us are after cancer or any major life event, and you have the good sense to just allow that to be as it is and sit with it. Not everyone can do that – often it makes people restless and sometimes they make snap decisions when really as Rilke would say they should just learn to be at peace with the questions..the unknowningness of an inbetween time.
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