Celebration of Catherine Claire Brunelle

Dear followers,

We hope you’ll join us as we celebrate Catherine’s life with stories and whimsy on Saturday, August 19th, from 1 pm to 3 pm EST at the Richelieu-Vanier Community Center located at 300 des Peres Blancs, Ottawa, ON, K1L 7L5.

If you can’t be with us and would like to be part of the celebration you can join us through a video link by registering here: https://app.webinarjam.net/register/1841/f8a53a4289

Donations to Amnesty International Canada and Rethink Breast Cancer would be appreciated in lieu of flowers.

Thank you!

Last Post – 144 months and 1 week

Happy

I am writing this to thank all of you. Thank you so much for following along this journey. I’ve been lucky, not many diagnosed with breast cancer and reoccurrence live as long as I did. Some only get months. For me, it was years.

It was trips to Europe. It was a writing career. It was becoming a podcaster. It was buying a car. It was watching my husband thrive in his work. It was paddling the waters early morning in Balaton. It was cottaging with my family, and playing games like Telestration. It was meeting all your babies! It was working at the library and seeing how they support so many. It was landing a dream job with Amnesty International, which justified how following your joys can actually lead to concrete ‘grown up’ good things. It was family reunions and cousins and aunts and uncles. It was buying a couch! It was facing fears. It was Claire Never Ending.

It was time with my Dad (wow we are so alike). It was time with my Mom (and shows we watched, the comfort we shared, the support you gave). It was time with Daniel (the car rides!). It was time with JP (the kindness and love). It was time with Catherine (the tea we drank!). It was my fellow writers, Ulrike, James and Kate (and how we believe in each other). It was meeting Kevin. It was time with my long-time friends, seeing how they’ve grown, and Christmas’ Eve Eve.

It was Zsolt. It has always been Zsolt. Everything, every second, instant, thought, laugh, cry, comfort. The way he smiles when he walks into the room. How his face changes when he thinks. His wonderful height, and how I can cuddle up into his arms. How much we have in common. How much we love each other. How you are my very very very best friend.

And it was all of you too, who wrote to me in the comment sections or read along quietly. You made the hard days easier, and my random thought experiments acceptable. It was fun to write with you. I’m grateful to know you were all out there, and in some ways my words left an impact. That was your gift to me.

Thank you.

I’ve been lucky. I got to have so much. I got to have you.

This life has truly been a win.

Truth of it

Well today I slept till noon. In the middle of the night I allowed myself a tylenol, which helps alleviate the pain that I can sometimes feel in my chest and back and ribs. I know my doctors would say to take morpheme…but I know pain, and this is just a shadow pain…muted, mostly, and tylenol can do the trick.

So I sleep in and savor it like a warm bath. But there is life out there! In my mind I have made myself low sugar peanut butter cookies, and I am have made myself goulash and more kaposta. And in my mind I have finished my manuscript and posted it on this website for access.

in my mind I’m already wearing the incontinence diapers we bought for the cottage, which means I can finally chill out about mistakes.

In my mind I have found the energy to go buy that acrylic painting paper I need so not every painting is on thick canvas.

And in my mind, I can basically tap dance – and walk up the stairs on my own.

But the only parts of that that are true rests with the incontinence and the weakness when it comes to the stairs. And then there is my husband who I worry about all the time. Worry about his work, but also his emotional state of being, and how it is such a struggle to do this for us both…..though downstairs in bed or upstairs in zero energy but pushing any how land he is always fun to be with.

No energy for proofing. i am sure it is getting worse and worse. Oh well, at least words hit the page.

Done

PS I am getting new glasses and that is exciting.