Nope

Well the treatment I was on didn’t have the desired impact. The cancer has kept growing. I’m now onto a new chemo treatment and in 2 months it will be time for another CT scan. After that I don’t know. The problem, I reckon, is that the cancer isn’t just one thing – it is different types, even if they are all breast.

I feel helpless at the moment. Only got the news yesterday. It’s like… this stuff just doesn’t want to slow down. In a sense, I’m at the top of the CN Tower, and standing on that glass floor –suddenly realizing the ground beneath me is very, very far below….

Dr Canada says it is not time to give up. He says there’s still a fight to go. So, onto the next treatment and see what happens. See what drugs are coming out. Right now I can’t really digest all this – except the disappointment. We’re chewing on plenty of that. Truly, I thought it was going to work.

I know the empowered and active patient lives longer. But there are moments where I think we need (or at least I need) to lick the wounds. This is one of those moments. And then we’ll need to just keep going. Try new things. Push. But damn it, I could use good news!

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34 thoughts on “Nope

  1. Shit. Still sending love from all the Kerrs. Wish we could wave the magic wand. That doesn’t work, we know. Hope you can feel the virtual hugs! Take the time to lick your wounds. Love, Us.

  2. I’m so sorry to hear the treatment you were on didn’t have the desired impact Catherine. Here’s hoping for good results from the chemo. Thinking of you and sending positive vibes. Julia x

  3. You are dear to us and we love you. New promising drugs can offer hope. I wish that for you with all my heart. My prayers and thoughts go out to you as you explore your options, follow your heart and soar to new horizons. XOX

  4. Yes, regroup, relax, rest, get the stress down. It’s the best thing you can do for yourself _right now._ Lots of love and laughter and healing light being sent your way. Then, when you’re ready, get back up and kick that bitch in the crotch!!!

    XOXO

    Julie

  5. We all love you so very much Catherine, and are greatly saddened by this. But onward dear one. Hope beckons thusly. xo

  6. So sorry to hear about this setback. Hope a good wallow, some indulgences (my favourite: COTTON CANDY, my God, I could live on that stuff) and some time give you the strength for renewed fighting. I’ll pulling for you!

  7. I don’t want to give you flowery thoughts, but prayers which go up to the most high God. The life of faith can often feel like standing on a glass floor, but we walk by faith and not sight in this world. You are more than your physical body, you are a spiritual being, too, and as I do pray for physical healing for you, I also pray that your spiritual eyes will be opened and that you may walk by faith above the dark clouds of life and soar as on wings of eagles. I leave you with this verse: “My God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus” (Phil. 4:19).

  8. Take time to lick your wounds, but stay strong, Catherine. You’re a remarkable woman and I only wish you knew what an inspiration you are x

  9. As someone else mentioned, we need time to process and (possibly grudgingly) accept our new normals each time. Hoping that this new chemo will be the one that does the trick. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers!

  10. Thinking of you and sending positive thoughts your way. Hoping the next treatment is more effective and you get the best possible outcome. Allow yourself to just be and remember to take one day at a time. xoxo

  11. Pingback: Weekly Round Up | Journeying Beyond Breast Cancer

  12. Dear C, I just found your beautifully expressed blog and have been reading far into the early dawns of the past four days. I too am a bc survivor and you have totally inspired and helped me along my not as bumpy trek. I don’t usually reply to anything but so wanted you to know there are so many quiet people out here whom you have helped to live their current bc lives in a much stronger fashion. And I want you to know… I care about you… total stranger touched by your gentle but awesome spirt. M

  13. I hate that you are going through all this. It’s hard not to feel like a you’re an experimental subject, trying out treatment that may not necessarily work. Yes, a rest is sometimes the best treatment. I hope that you will have some new options that will really succeed. xo, Kathi

  14. I am so sorry that you haven’t found the answer yet. I think it is perfectly OK to wallow, cry, yell and do whatever you need to do. Being your own advocate doesn’t mean being upbeat and driven all the time. Sometimes we just need to do something that soothes and comforts. And then to remember the very important bit that no one is giving up yet.

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