try to keep living until you feel alive again

Which is what I will try to do.

It’s official, I’m being moved to pallative care. Zsolt and I visited with Dr Canada who, and he officially bowed out. There is nothing more that he can offer in the form of treatment. Now I move into a different circle of suppourt that involves home visits, wheel chairs, IV for hydration and more. It is very hard to accept. But I will do as the saying goes – try to keep living until I feel alive again.

In the meanwhile, I’ve just today discovered that I enjoy filtered apple juice.

This is all I can manage to type. It’s a sad day for us.

32 thoughts on “try to keep living until you feel alive again

  1. i’m at a loss as to what to type. My fingers just sit on the keyboard of my laptop hoping to say something of comfort to you. Nothing I can say can be of any use or help. I’m so sorry Catherine. You are always in my prayers xx

  2. So sorry to hear this news. I have followed your blog for a couple of years. You seem like such an incredible woman and your humour, outlook and personality shine through your writing and art. Sending love and light to you, Zsolt and your family.

  3. Hi Catherine,

    I can only imagine how difficult and sad a day it must be.

    I am sending you tons of courage. If there is anything I can do for you and/or your family, please do reach out (or they can)!

    Much love! 💜💚💙💜💚💙💜💚💙

  4. I feel so very broken-hearted for you all. Know that my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

  5. Cathrine, You’re a beautiful and inspiring woman. You’re posts I’ve followed. Thank you for sharing so candidly your journey.
    Today I feel guided to say that my heart is with you and your loving family. You are one of the most courageous brave, talented writer and funny women I’ve met.
    Words do seem inadequate.
    Even though we don’t know each other well-
    Much love, Dawn

  6. Catherine, it has been soooo long since I read your blog and was taken aback by your news. I am at a loss for words. You were one of the first BC bloggers I connected with here in the blogosphere! I am sad and I am sorry that you are dealing with this latest awful, sucky blow. I’m sending you strength and love and hugs. (Wish I could send you my appetite, and a few of my extra pounds too.) Stay strong, and find the humor wherever you can. Laughter (and love) is the best buoy. xoxo

  7. I am so very very sorry..words cannot express my sadness for you and your family … i am grateful that you have shared so much so that myself and others can truely understand Breast cancer xx

  8. I’m so grateful to you for sharing your joy, your pain and your search for meaning and love in the midst of the shittiest shit that is cancer.
    Sending you a warm hug and all the loves,
    xo –Tracy

  9. I am so very sorry, Catherine. You are a gem to all of us. I love your spirit and your writing ability. I haven’t been able to write much at all these days, but I journal thoughts when I can. Love you. Xox

  10. Oh Catherine. I haven’t met you in person (know you via Amnesty) yet I feel through your dignified, light/deep articulate writing, I know you at least a little. This has to be a tough moment…and in my own way I’m sending my love and support.

  11. Hi Catherine
    I’ve recently finished reading this blog, right from the beginning. I’ve read each post, and taken something, large or small, from it. Life with cancer is challenging for all involved, in fact I sometimes think it’s harder for those who support us throughout, with the helplessness they must feel. Your posts have always continued to be engaging and honest.
    Your most recent post saddens me. Know that my thoughts are with you, and your family, from far away in Australia.

  12. Sending prayers out your way Catherine. Send our love to your family. The Cheesman Family

  13. Dear Catherine, I used to read your blog when you were first diagnosed and enjoyed your brilliant insights and candid reflections on all your experiences. I admit that I stopped reading for a few years, assuming that all was fine again. Then I thought I saw you on the streets of Ottawa a few weeks ago, and resolved to check on your blog again, which I did just now. I am so so sorry and saddened to hear your news. I hope the love and support you are receiving from your family, lovely-sounding Zsolt and friends will help ease you on this journey. Much love, Nora.

  14. Catherine — I’m so sorry to read this news. It is a bit crazy that through blogs two people on this crazy cancer roller-coaster from so far away could connect, and I have appreciated your honesty in the way that you’ve shared your story. You are in my thoughts and prayers! Sending love from Florida!

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