The Ghost of Baranvárga

There is a highway that runs between Budapest and the city of Pecs, weaving through the Hungarian countryside. This road was built recently, and will, one day, continue down into Croatia.

ghoshMany years ago –back when cars looked like carriages and double-lane highways didn’t exist, there was a tiny village named Baranvárga in this Hungarian countryside. The village was a place of farming, because of course that’s what you do in the countryside, but it was also the birthplace of a talented musical family.

They were the Szezards, headed by Szezard Tomas. Tomas had fourteen children (almost all boys), thirteen of whom moved to the newly merged city of Budapest to play in the orchestra. The remaining child was a girl named Zsuzsanna, who  married the local Baranvárga butcher, Edes Ivan.

Tomas’ sons were renowned throughout the Austro-Hungarian Empire for being masters of the classical composition. While they were never quite good enough to become a Brahms or a Liszt, Tomas himself certainly might have become one of the greats if only he had left the village and moved to Budapest.

But he loved his village life, almost as much as he loved his music.

In the morning he’d wake with the violin tucked beneath his chin. He’d eat his boiled egg with one hand with plucking strings with the other. He’d sit amoungst the chickens in the yard tuning his instrument, waiting for his daughter to bring lunch. And in the evening, he would rest on the edge of the small Baranvárga fountain in the centre of the village, and play his heart out to the moonlight (and to the barking dogs, who were always mysteriously quiet during the best parts of his songs).

Tomas’ sons encouraged their father to move to Budapest, but the old man refused. This was his home (and the burial ground of his wife. While he didn’t mention this reason aloud, Tomas was very sentimental).

“Give me the morning light and fields of grapes,” he would say between the breaks in his playing as he reached for more pálinka and a slice of goose fat toast. “This is where I play and this is where I stay.”

They offered him an apartment overlooking the Danube. They offered him an audience of thousands at the Hungarian State Opera House. They even offered him indoor plumbing.

“Here I play, and here I stay,” he replied.

And so Tomas played his ingenious compositions to those who passed by the village, and his music, even if not witnessed by crowds of thousands in the concert halls of Budapest, trickled its way into Hungarian folk culture.

“This is my home. This is where I play, and this is where I’ll stay,” he would whisper, over and over as the years went by.

Then one day Tomas died right there in the centre of the town with his fingers still clasped around the violin neck. They buried him next to the fountain. And time went on. The Austro-Hungarian empire collapsed. The world had two wars. Hungary was sliced into pieces. The Russians arrived. Revolutions happened. The Russians left. Democracy took over. A highway was built.

There was some controversy in the building of this highway, and if you drive from Budapest to Pecs, it’s quite clear why. There in the very shallow hills not far from the wine region of Pecs are three absolutely unnecessary tunnels. Instead of blasting away these tiny lumps in the landscape, someone made a lot of money with construction. (These tunnels are shallow, by the way, that they had to make one of the hills larger before they could dig through.)

What no one remembers, because it hardly seems important now, is that the middle tunnel is built right over the original village of Baranvárga, just below the grave of Tomas Szeszard (now completely untraceable since the village was destroyed during the first world war).

There he rests between the rubble and the tunnel.

“This is where I stay,” he had said. And that’s where he plays even today.

Floating through the tunnel is the ghost of Tomas Szeszard himself, playing with the strings of his violin. (Occasionlly accompanied by Zsuszi’s high pitched singing voice. She wasn’t buried too far away either. It was a very small village.)

You can listen to him if you like. All you need to do is drive through the tunnel with your radio on. Zsolt and I are generally blasting Katy Perry on the national pop station. But there are no rules, just be sure to have your radio on. He’ll float into your music with his glimpses of his bouncing violin, and he’ll float out again just as you drive back into the daylight.

And that is the entirely made-up reason for why the tunnels in Hungary are haunted with folk music. It’s Tomas, head of the Szeszard family. He’s still playing, even in his grave.

Big Kiss For You

MMUH! Happy New Year!!!

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I think I get this from Seinfeld’s soup nazi, but my brain mixes in ‘kiss’ instead of soup, and ’Big’ instead of no.

Welcome to 2014! Last night the idea made me emotional. This morning it made me grumpy. Now I am wearing a new dress (Christmas present) and feeling a bit better. These are the days of emotional rollar coasters. So what to do? Focus on something that makes me happy, along with putting on a dress. Therefore, I did this picture. It’s makes me happy 🙂 And I made the first chapter of my novel (Amelia’s story) free on smashwords for the New Year – to bring in a big balloon of hope that anything is possible. If you haven’t read the book, you can start with this fun starter 🙂

Also, three people won my Goodreads giveaway, so that is pretty exciting too. And while I pledged to not do book stuff till the new year and I returned to Canada… geez, I cannot help myself sometimes. Know what I mean?

May you dip into what makes you smile today, and for much of your time in 2014. Cheers to getting up and getting dressed, to silly internet memes, to the sight of fireworks exploding across a city (i.e. Pecs, where we watched from the balcony and shivered in the cold, and I thought – “well this is one way to start things rolling,”), to emotional journeys, to big realizations, to the advancement of science, to the loving of ourselves, to GOOD SCANS and to GOOD BOOKS.

MUH! BIG KISS FOR YOU! Happy new years.

[Oh and to newsletters, mine can be found here. Yes, I plugged it. I told you, I can’t help myself. This is what brings me joy ;)]

The FLASH

I just thought to myself, “I should follow the Pollyanna Plan’s example and write one blog post every day for an entire year.” Then I had this flash where I imagined not being able to finish it because I’d died… So it scares me of course that this is the first reaction. The reaction of death. Man, it scares me.

But now, writing that first line of this post onto my wordpress document and thinking about it for a minute… now I’ve just thought to myself, “where did that original thought – that positive thought – come from in the first place? Where did that idea to live for a year spring up from?” And I’ve never really asked that question before. But, thinking about it now, it feels like there are two parts of me, except the only part I’ve been noticing and taking seriously is the one offering flashes of fear.

Weird confession: Whenever I see a knife in someone’s hand, I have a flash of them stabbing me. And whenever I have a knife in my hand, and someone passes by, I get this flash of myself stabbing them. That’s mostly why I’m a little scared of knives. It’s the same things for guns. I get these flashes of people shooting me. Weird.

My point is, these are the flashes that get my attention. The ones based on fear.

But there are other flashes, and I am realizing right now as I write this post that they need to be nurtured more. I have flashes where I can see myself teaching my own child a ‘life lesson’. I have flashes of living in a cottage in Balaton. I have flashes (dreams) that my book becomes a bestseller.

Just a moment ago, I had a flash to write 365 blog posts in a row, across one whole year. That suggests that some part of me – a strong part of me, since it comes to my mind FIRST – feels the capability of living at least 365 days more.

Each day I live with the fear flashes. They tell me I am going to die too soon. They make me afraid that I’ll be leaving my husband and family far too early. Part of me has been afraid to admit this in the blog, because what if this is me knowing what will actually happen? What if this is me knowing my fate, and not yet accepting it?

But then, if one part of me has that fear, another part of me does in fact have hope – otherwise I’d never be capable of dreaming.

So now I have this challenge, and it is to nurture the ideas that comes first, my ability to hope and to imagine. I want to feed that part of my mind, and help it learn to follow through. Fear will get me nowhere, hope can take me anywhere.

And I’ve literally just realized that that hopeful side of me exists. Like, right here as I wrote down the experience to simply get it out of my head… and it’s turned into this realization. There are many parts of me, not only the part who is afraid all of the time. I want to learn about Catherine Who Hopes. She has some good ideas. I reckon she should be introduced to Catherine Who Acts. And we don’t need to invite that other fearful Catherine along to the party.

Anyhow, this is what I’m thinking about, and I think it makes sense. Why haven’t I noticed my positive side before when it comes to life, and when it comes to cancer? Well, because I was scared of all this fear that has been running through me. But at least I am noticing it now. At least I realize it is there. That is power in itself. And it’s also a really good starting point for change.

P.S. I will not be writing 365 posts, because I think it’s better to just not. This isn’t about fear, this is about me not wanting to blog that much! Better to be focusing on that bestseller goal 😉