Category Archives: Bumpboobs

Got Grit?

A friend shared this over on Twitter, and I’m glad she did. It’s the kind of message I need to hear over and over – whether I’m waiting for results, starting a new project, or continuing on with long-standing dream. According to this lady with the good ideas and lovely boots (making me think I should update my 10 year old standby squaretoed boots), long term success doesn’t have much to do with background, looks, health or intelligence. It really, overarchingly, connects to grit-determination-resilience-and coming back again and again.

And while much of me acts like a big crying mess (which is also healthy at times), another part of me is most certainly gritty – stubborn, passionate, hopeful. When I want something, I really, really want it and that doesn’t go away easily. As Angela Lee Duckworth says in her video – it doesn’t mean you won’t fail, it just means that failure isn’t seen as the end point. We can get up, brush off, and keep going. This is the sort of thing I need to be reminded of indirectly over and over again. Maybe you too? If you’d like a little inspiration to help along with the day, here’s the video I’m talking about. šŸ™‚

 

Co-Survivor Award: My Mom and My MAN

Posted in After treatment, Bumpboobs, Chemotherapy, Life, Life despite cancer, Love, Radiotherapy Treatment, Treatment by

Way back when I was first diagnosed and wrote a profile for myself for Bumpyboobs and FacingCancer.ca, I identified myself as a survivor. Forget dictionary definitions, I defined a survivor as someone getting up every day, facing what needed to be done, learning how to thrive through uncertain realities, and living life on their terms.

My life, my definition.

So when FacingCancer.ca recently announced their Co-Survivor Award, it made me really happy to see their definition of survivorship:

We believe survivorship begins at the time of diagnosis.

And it made me even happier to see that theyā€™ve decided to honour those who have supported us, honouring the support theyā€™ve given.

And surrounding every cancer survivor, there are people who care: we call them Co-Survivors. Whether itā€™s a friend, a family member, a medical professional or an online supporter, use the form below to tell us who has made your cancer experience a little better with their selfless support.

There have been many people in my life who have helped. From friends in England, family in Canada, letters & emails from my friends during treatments, support during my crowdfunding, and the awesomeness and insight of those who get it online. But for the Co-Survivor award, if I could nominate someone (and I canā€™t because I work for FacingCancer.ca), it would be two someones: My husband and my mother.

Zsolt is Zsolt. You know him via this blog. He is softness and love and unconditional support. Weā€™ve been through so much together and still we dance in the middle of the day. Thereā€™s so much to say, I really cannot begin to capture it all.

My mom, well, sheā€™s my guide, point of reference and my friend. When I hear one thing regarding healthcare, Iā€™ll take it to her for her opinion. And Iā€™ll never forget how she left Canada and my dad for over a month (to sleep in our small one bedroom apartment on an air mattress in England) to help me recovering from the mastectomy ā€“ and then to help Zsolt and I weather that first terrible round of chemotherapy.

So here is the question: Who is your co-survivor, or co-thrivor, or co-awesomnesser?

award

If you live in Canada and can think of someone youā€™d nominate as co-survivor ā€“ then I invite you to pitch in your story over at FacingCancer.ca. Ten from the many will be chosen, and then weā€™ll agonize over them to land upon the first Co-Survivor recipient (but the ten will also receive goodies, too). Can you think of someone? Nominate here.

If you donā€™t live in Canada, and I know many donā€™t, but still want to share who has supported you , thatā€™s what the comments are for ; ) People do read the comments, and they do pull inspiration from them ā€“ even folks supporting others, and needing to hear the positive impact their actions may have. Or even better ā€“ write about it on your own blog, and then link it back here. šŸ˜‰

And you know what? Even if you havenā€™t had cancer (I hope), you may still have a co-survivor in your life, or co-supporter. I love stories about love, and about generosity, so I welcome you to leave your own reflections.

Now, that is all I have to say about that.

Except this P.S.!

P.S. I wasnā€™t asked or prompted to write this post for the award. I just like the idea. Everyone who does something kind for another person deserves to know their impact. This is just one really great way of saying thanks.

 

 

More than this “battle”

Posted in Bumpboobs, Life despite cancer by

It’s so easy to say something with the best of intentions, and having it come out all wrong. I get that. I’ve done it myself actually more than once. But this whole “lost their battle” thing irks me so much, that I feel compelled to write about it in my post. Just gotta do it. So Iā€™ll say this now while the pain of loss isnā€™t radiating, and it hopefully it wonā€™t be seen as an attack on those who mean well, but rather as a constructive thought:

No one ā€œloses their battleā€ and no one should be reduced to having lived only that part of their lives in the paragraphs, headlines, and memorials that mark their passing. That is how I feel, very strongly. It might be an easy expression, but it is a wrong one. It neglects all the possible ways a person might have lived a beautiful, full, impacting life. And if they only get that little paragraph of remembrance, should we not be celebrating their triumphs, rather than marking them as losers?

When it comes to illness, no one loses. A person may simply get dealt a shitty hand, and despite best efforts, life will take its course. I am tired of reading about all these lost battles.

And when it comes to being remembered in the media, we are not ā€œCancer Bloggers, Cancer Kids, Cancer Patients, Cancer Truckers, Cancer Waitresses, Cancer Artists, Cancer Models . . .ā€ Just because itā€™s an easy headline doesnā€™t mean it isnā€™t totally degrading to the beautiful legacy that person left behind.

But how do you correct people? Can I tap someone on the shoulder while they post a memorial and say, ā€œum, excuse me, Iā€™m about to be an annoying pain to your already heartbroken self?ā€ No, itā€™s just bad timing and disrespectful.

So itā€™s to be said now, at least here, and by one voice to add to others who have written about this: While those left behind may feel that deep, throbbing loss of a loved one, the life lived is far more valuable than a famililar but unconsidered add-on sentiment.

And that is all I have to say about that. For now.