Category Archives: Finding Home

What is your picture?

Posted in After treatment, Bumpboobs, Canada, Finding Home, Life, Love, moving to canada, self growth, Travel Log by

Today is a post in response to Marie from ‘Journeying Beyond Breast Cancer’, who found the idea from Jen of ‘Keep the Calm’. The challenge is to post a photograph of yourself (or something that represents you) which captures the ‘you’ of the past little while.

So this is my photograph. It’s so peaceful looking and calm, but in reality we were travelling across Hungary in the backseat of a car, and I was trying not to vomit from the motion sickness. Zsolt thought I looked pretty. 🙂 And I think so too, in my no-longer-nauseous reflection on the photograph.

But that’s not why I chose this photograph. The past six months . . . okay, the past NINE months (gag!) have been both wonderful and difficult. We are searching for ‘the big break’ in terms of careers & living on our own (cause yes, we’re still with my parents), feeling as though we haven’t settled, desperate, once again, to find a sense of home. And yet I am home with my family – something I’ve lacked for many years. We can get together for dinner, go for tea, share a beautiful day . . .

Both wonderful and difficult. All the while, I’m there in the back of that car waiting for resolution. With little bursts of success like my freelancing (at the detriment to my creative writing) and Zsolt’s consulting, we move forward. We are moving forward. I am saturated in the family I’ve been missing so much. Things are good. Things are a little hard.

But what you don’t know is at the end of this car ride we pulled up to a home where there were dogs in the yard, pigs in the pen, chicken running round, and a family with open hearts and tables filled with food. The good stuff exists (and much of it is already here), so I can tolerate this ‘ in-between’ness, because I’m certain it won’t last forever.

(Though displacement does appear to arrive in waves. That is the life of a person who travels, home is where the heart is . . . except we leave bits of our hearts wherever we go.)

Would you like to join the challenge? Post a photograph of yourself, or something that represents you, and let us know the story (or don’t since a picture is already speaking at least a thousand words). You can post the link here, or on Marie or Jen’s pages. I’m sure we’d all love to see.

Take care,

Catherine

Loving the unforgettable

Posted in Canada, Finding Home, Fun, Life, Love by

It’s cloudy outside and the rain is cold, but I’m here sitting in our living room as Nat King Cole sings his classic Unforgettable in the background on the record player. It’s smooth, slow and romantic.  Today is a day that’s perfectly lovely.

Saturday often translates into cleaning. Cleaning day. Except that this morning my entire family (mom, dad, Zsolt and I) were positively knackered. Maybe it’s the weather. Well, actually, more likely it was all that dancing Zsolt and I did last night while attending a friend’s stag & doe party.

So we cut back this morning to focus solely on the living and dining rooms. They were covered with things from my grandmother’s apartment, which had been sitting around for weeks. Amongst the items were her record collection and record player.

There’s all sorts of ways you can know a person; going through their music is a particularly rich experience.

Zsolt wired everything up (it’d been disassembled during the move) and put a record on the player. The sound of Hawaii flooded into our living room with its hypnotizing sounds coupled with visions of women in bright coloured leis, gently moving their arms like the waves. I bet Lulu and Benoit used to play this music during their midnight parties.

We began to clean. Packing dishes, moving spice racks, looking at tea pots and serving trays. And as we cleaned, we kept on listening. Hawaiian songs were followed by a Starlight Concert and its incredibly beautiful compositions of Hungarian Rhapsody, Czardas, and something familiar from a Midsummer Night’s Dream.  Then I pulled out some Bing Crosby and was reminded of A White Christmas during this wet spring day.

And all the while, I was just so happy. So glad. Here we are with my family, enjoying each other’s company and doing trivial little things that are coupled with such lovely memories and emotions. Happy, healthy and cancer-free.

It’s for days like this I moved back to Canada.

Good times, hard times, stressful times, out-of-work times, simple times, lovely dancing times . . . all part of the journey, I suppose. And today is a good time. So I’ve got to be thankful for that.  And for Nat King Cole and his beautiful voice. And for the memories and impressions that come through music. For memories of Lulu. For my family. For good friends. For Zsolt. I guess, for a whole lotta stuff in general.

Choo-Choo! Chuga-Chuga.

Posted in Bumpboobs, Canada, Finding Home, Fun by

Sitting on the train: rocking and rolling toward Toronto for a weekend of peer support training with the classy organization, Rethink.  Frankly, I find train prices in Canada to be drastically more expensive than the European (or US) system . . . but hey – at least there’s internet. Though I’d rather save half the price of a ticket and not be able to check my email.

Zsolt is at a bus station as I type this waiting for the Greyhound. He’s coming down to Toronto to meet me later in the day. (Why aren’t we travelling together? Well, my trip was arranged by Rethink,  and Zsolt’s was arranged by Zsolt . . . bookings did not coincide. Plus, when paying out of pocket, the bus is way, way less expensive.) The poor guy was dropped off this morning at about 7.15am for a 9.30am ride to Toronto. Goodness knows what he’s been doing these past two hours.  But I imagine it involves the playbook, and a whole lot of Fruit Ninja.

This weekend we’ll be on hiatus from Ottawa. While Zsolt visits the Royal Canadian Museum (or something like that) to learn about the Mayans and their pyramids . . . I’ll be hanging out with other young breast cancer ass-kickers, being trained on how to give support to those newly diagnosed. Rethink is this entirely cool, flashy, worthwhile organization that supports young women diagnosed with BC. They are the folks who put out  the ‘Your Man Reminder’ app/you tube video. You can get a sense of their philosophy by watching that piece of work. (However, I cannot include a link because apparently VIA rail discourages streaming, and won’t let me access youtube to find the video. But seriously, it’s easy. Just search ‘Your Man Reminder Video’ in the search engine.)

Sitting on the VIA train reminds me of high school. Maybe it ought to remind me of Europe since Zsolt and I rode the train all over, but no – high school. Back in the days of awkwardness and poor fashion choices, I was a debater. Our club would take the train to tournaments held at U of T, Queens, Waterloo, McGill . . . and let me tell you, if you’re looking for great company, look for a pack of debaters. Generally you’ll find people who are full-on convinced of their opinion and perfectly capable of discussing it to death (followed by going out to a bar , having pillow fights, or riding around in the back of taxi’s with their legs sticking out). Frankly, I don’t even know how I managed to keep up . . . but it didn’t hurt to be one of the only girls. It never does. J

All that to say I’m on a train. Zsolt is still waiting at the bus depot. And there’s no snow on the ground in Toronto.

Let the weekend of adventure (and 9-3.30 training) begin!