Category Archives: Life

Oh boobs.

Posted in Bumpboobs, Life, Uncategorized by

Man-Bugger-Frig-DAMN-Augh-Frack-Fuck. AhhhhhHHH!

I’ve been demoted a bra size.  My boobs have always been two different sizes, the left smaller and the right a bit larger, but the nipples were even, so who cared? Not me. I was a happy, healthy, proportionally kick-ass 34 B–ish. Ish.

Well, not anymore!  Post mastectomy, little lefty is all that remains and she is a healthy size A.

Okay, okay. ‘Healthy’ should be the key word in that previous sentence, I know. But Frig. FRACK. BOOBS!

Today I wore my first ‘false’ breast, which is why I’m griping. I have this post-recovery camisole with pockets for a fake breast. My mom and I spent about ten minutes with the comfy – pulling out stuffing and trying to find it the right position in the shirt. Once we finally had it in place, I pulled my dress over and took a look in the mirror – hmm, even looking . . . but, smaller . . . Even Zsolt has noticed, though I suppose of all people he would be the one to notice.

This is not the end of my world. On the brighter side, my drain has been removed by two wonderful nurses who visited my home (I really mean it, they are great. Vicky in particular was so reassuring). And on the even brighter side, my mom is here and we spent an hour in a cafe today talking; getting out was difficult at first, I nearly fell asleep on the table from exhaustion, but after a cup of tea the world become far easier.

So yes, there are good things happening. But it’s a change – that’s all I’m saying, and a disappointment.  Big reliefs and small disappointments. These feelings can be tough, but I know they won’t last.

Bumpyboobs gets a little bit smaller. Hey, they’re still cute , and lefty’s been good to me. She really has. Thank God she’s healthy. Now I’m praying and fighting so that she and the rest of me can stay that way.

One last ride for the girls

Posted in Bumpboobs, Life, Treatment by

Just a quickie – tomorrow I hope (hope, hope, hope) there is time to hit the beach. We’re going to blast through chores in the morning, and right when it starts to get really warm, but the sun is not so threatening , we’ll grab a blanket and a train and find ourselves some beach.

It’ll be one last ride for my string bikini; the very same string bikini that dropped Zsolt’s jaw nearly five years back. Ha! I’m not saying things haven’t changed with time, but nevertheless it has good memories. So tomorrow, fingers crossed, it’ll come out once again.

And hopefully (hope, hope, hope) I’ll find time to write more tomorrow, because I certainly have lots to say.

However, that’s it for now. I’m hitting the sack; it’s way too late to be blogging!

I have breast cancer

Posted in Bumpboobs, Life, Treatment by

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Fuck.

That’s how I feel right now. The doctor came into the room, felt my armpit, looked at my breast, asked if my family lives in the area . . . no, they’re all back in Canada . . . then told me I have cancer.

I have cancer

Never have I been so physically moved by so few words. I gasped, cried, and listened. I’m still gasping, crying and listening (as my husband reads through the Breast Cancer Care booklet and describes the possible treatments and surgeries I’ll have – sweet, but more for his sake than mine at this point; I can’t listen at all).

And all the while I just can’t believe I have cancer. Me? ME? Are they sure it’s me?

I cannot fully believe it. I wonder if people who win lotteries share a similar disbelief.

Before, in the waiting room, I watched families and pregnant women filter through the system and get called into hospital rooms. They all looked so calm, like things were going to plan. Zsolt and I were planning on having kids soon, but that will have to wait. The nurse said there is a possibility of freezing my eggs, in case I don’t become fertile again after treatment.

More good news – did you know I could lose my entire breast? It’s not even unlikely. It’s a possibility. My tumour is near the nipple, and I have small breasts. Oh my god.

They’re sending me on scans to check whether the cancer has spread anywhere else. I’m praying it hasn’t. Praying very hard.

So I guess this will become a blog about cancer. My name is Catherine, and apparently – unless I can switch places with the latest lottery winner – I have cancer. Frig.

There will be more to write later. But for now, this is enough.

Oh yes, and I’m scared. That too. I’m really quite scared.