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Oh boobs.

Posted in Bumpboobs, Life, Uncategorized by

Man-Bugger-Frig-DAMN-Augh-Frack-Fuck. AhhhhhHHH!

I’ve been demoted a bra size.  My boobs have always been two different sizes, the left smaller and the right a bit larger, but the nipples were even, so who cared? Not me. I was a happy, healthy, proportionally kick-ass 34 B–ish. Ish.

Well, not anymore!  Post mastectomy, little lefty is all that remains and she is a healthy size A.

Okay, okay. ‘Healthy’ should be the key word in that previous sentence, I know. But Frig. FRACK. BOOBS!

Today I wore my first ‘false’ breast, which is why I’m griping. I have this post-recovery camisole with pockets for a fake breast. My mom and I spent about ten minutes with the comfy – pulling out stuffing and trying to find it the right position in the shirt. Once we finally had it in place, I pulled my dress over and took a look in the mirror – hmm, even looking . . . but, smaller . . . Even Zsolt has noticed, though I suppose of all people he would be the one to notice.

This is not the end of my world. On the brighter side, my drain has been removed by two wonderful nurses who visited my home (I really mean it, they are great. Vicky in particular was so reassuring). And on the even brighter side, my mom is here and we spent an hour in a cafe today talking; getting out was difficult at first, I nearly fell asleep on the table from exhaustion, but after a cup of tea the world become far easier.

So yes, there are good things happening. But it’s a change – that’s all I’m saying, and a disappointment.  Big reliefs and small disappointments. These feelings can be tough, but I know they won’t last.

Bumpyboobs gets a little bit smaller. Hey, they’re still cute , and lefty’s been good to me. She really has. Thank God she’s healthy. Now I’m praying and fighting so that she and the rest of me can stay that way.

Just waiting.

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 Dum dum dee dum. Feeling fine and not worrying; no point worrying. Maybe I’ve gotten it all out of my system. I suppose this is the ‘acceptance’ stage, except there’s nothing to accept except uncertainty.

 Oh, I do enjoy that last sentence and my overuse of the ex/ac sounds. Anyhow, just waiting and not minding. Just waiting.

A much needed sniff of rose.

Posted in Bumpboobs, Life, Uncategorized by

I have literally stopped and smelt the roses. It feels good, really good. This evening the sun was shining, the air was warm and I was walking home after a nice day of work.

It’s hard to say the core ingredient of my mood flip from yesterday to today, but this recent dose of sunshine is truly hitting the spot. I also think writing a lengthy email about my worries to a very good friend in Canada has helped lighten my load.

Not many people know about my concerns. Alright, fine – there’s this blog. But I’m pretty sure its readership equals zero, excluding myself, so in terms of telling people it is a small number. In fact, I’ve only told three: my husband, and my two friends.

Before arriving at the consultation, they ask you to fill in some sheets of information about ailments, background and family history. Except I haven’t told my family anything. They’re busy people; I realise they should be told, but they’re busy people and having more stress would only make things worse. Though it’s hard to have a conversation and not say anything. Each time we talk I feel like a water balloon being squeezed tight, ready to burst.

Today is my parents’ 34th wedding anniversary. Wow. So much can happen in thirty-four years. Lives happen in thirty-four years. I’m proud of them, they’ve been through a lot and are strong together. But today is their day. So I’ll keep my water balloon pressure and not mention anything till Sunday, then they’ll only have to wait one day for the results; me too, actually.