Category Archives: Writing

Silent mentorship

Posted in After treatment, Bumpboobs, Life, Treatment, Writing by

This past Wednesday woke me up bright and early to attend a WXN breakfast networking session. WXN is an organization that connects women in “management, executive, professional and board roles.” Basically that means there’s a lot of networking, acknowledgement of success, and mentoring opportunities. As I sat there during the breakfast in Ottawa’s Rideau Club, pushing around a sausage that I suspected contained gluten and listening to the panel of speakers, it made me think of some of the incredible people I’ve met on this journey through to recovery and beyond. Though none of us ask to join the cancer club, we’ve nevertheless been inducted – and I’ve got to say, bright-side-thinking, it’s connected me to some incredible people.

So am I an executive? No, no, no. I’m a writer who was invited by my mother (president of her own consultation and health company) to the breakfast. We planned on visiting the spa later in the day, but before going to the Nordic, she invited me along to this breakfast event. (I sound like Zsa Zsa Gabor – Hungarian, by the way –  living in the lap of luxury and flaunting it! But the spa is really quite a special treat. Those saunas are great for detoxification.) And therefore I found myself meeting and greeting with a sharp group of high-level women in this high-rise, thick curtained, wood panelled room with a view of Ottawa that would drop the jaw.

It was slightly surreal to meet people and say, “Hello, my name is Catherine. I’m a writer.” And hear them replay, “Hello my name is _______. I work in _______.”  It’s not a natural way to behave, I think. But then, networking is a funny business. Feels a bit like speed dating, eh? I’ve never speed dated – but I can imagine that they are quite similar. You meet, exchange information, get a sense of how/if their business fits your business, and then move on to meet others. Like my mother says, “you only need that initial impression. If you like them, ask to go for a cup of tea later!” Which makes good sense.

(Actually, I met some really cool women and it was interesting to learn how communications, writing, and social media fit into their businesses. One lady was head of communications – which makes me think, “wow.” And another woman had just started her own mentoring business and was looking for a blogger . . . so there you go, well worth an early morning.)

Speakers included Rear Admiral Jennifer Bennett, Chief Reserves & Cadets for the Canadian Navy, Judith Shamian, President & CEO of the Victorian Order of Nurses Canada, and Janet Longmore, President & CEO of Digital Opportunity Trust. And as the room drank their coffee, ate their eggs and tweeted on their ipads – these ladies were lead by Tobi Cohen of Postmedia news in a discussion about leadership, chasing opportunities and mentoring.

It was the mentoring that really caught my attention. Rear Admiral Jennifer Bennett  – a women very high up in the Canadian Navy – spoke about the silent mentor. This is someone who sets the example in the way they handle situations, support others, forges opportunities, etc. And it made me think of the men and women I’ve met over these past two years who have inspired me with their confidence and drive.

I think of . . .

. . . My surgeon. He inspired me with his self-confidence as he quietly, but most certainly, let me know he was the best in terms of mastectomies. I’ve never claimed to be the best at anything, so seeing his confidence was such a different perspective. It made me wonder, what am I the best at? His approach was totally outside my normal way of thinking, but it caused me to consider that being very, very good is not necessarily cause to act very, very humble. Okay, so this doctor was quiet and not showing – but humble? Well . . . he wasn’t going to self-depreciating, that’s for sure. And really, why should he? He was the best.

. . . The blogger whose site was about moving beyond cancer. I’ve been following her webpage ever since diagnoses and through it connected to a larger #bcsm community. Back when my life was first being blown to bits with shock, fear and oncoming chemotherapy . . . I found hope in her journey beyond all those troubles. There was another side, and I could reach it too.

. . . my friends at Facing Cancer Together, who are so quick to respond to questions – go off around the world on journey, fight to make things better, give care to a loved one, stay strong for their children, defy the odds and succeed beyond expectation, and simply tell their story. People on this site lead with courage. It gives me strength to be open and honest.

. . . That woman who went into chemo every week cracking jokes and looking, quite frankly, very pretty. She was staring chemo in the face and spitting at it, laughing at it. Clearly this was her her defence, and I know it wouldn’t work for me (because makeup and nice outfits were the last things on my mind), but seeing her determination made me smile. And goodness knows, it’s good to smile.

. . . The bloggers, the tweeters, the facebookers, the friends stopping by with food, the family writing letters and talking on skype, the husband finishing his PhD . . . the people who made life so much more bearable!

You never know where strength can derive, and I guess it’s also easy to not realize the strength you provide. But people are wonderful, people have been wonderful. . . and I’m quite thankful to my silent mentors for all they’ve been able to share. They’ve challenged me to think differently.

And so, as I finished my green tea at the WXN breakfast and passed out a few business cards, I reflected on the community of woman, and how good it was they wanted to grow with one another. And then I reflected on this community, and how lucky I am to have met so many incredible silent mentors.

So thank you, everyone, for giving me those slices of perspective, signs of love and friendship, flashes of hope, and amazing patience . . . because you’ve read to the end of this post – and I appreciate that very, very much.

Now I’m wondering: am I alone in all this inspiration, or do you have your mentors too? Who are your mentors (silent or otherwise) and how have they impacted your life? Do share – cause I’d love to hear your story.

Till next week!

Catherine

 

Letting the tea cool

Posted in After treatment, Bumpboobs, Canada, Life, Travel, Writing by

This has been some week. One for the grey matter, that’s for sure. What started with a string of doctor’s appointments led into going to Montreal, visiting friends, and learning how to balance the accounts at my parent’s office. So now it’s Sunday. And now I’m done. Next week – that’s tomorrow, there will be more. There will be forms to fill, more travel to arrange, friends to meet (yay!), accounting to learn and hopefully, if I can cram it in, writing.Something about doctor’s appointments never settle well in my stomach, particularly when overwhelmed with new ideas. I went to an appointment last week with a doctor who has many novel approaches on how to best battle cancer (and just be healthy in general). This is a good thing, because the more perspectives the better and she’s  very informed and totally passionate. But by the end of our session, particularly considering I’d been to visit Dr Canada the day before, I was 100% exhausted. Exhausted and mad. Mad. Mad. Mad. Having to deal makes me mad. You know? Having to examine my diet, having to take supplements, having to give blood – simply having to deal. Too much at once can make me retreat into nothing all together.

Most often my preferred behaviour would be to hop on a plane for the south of France and live along the beach with the shells and sand castles. Zsolt could join me, just like he did when we first met. Or maybe we could rent a quad bike and get lost at dusk in the hills of Corfu. Or visit a market where we don’t speak the language and ask the locals to show us their cheese. Wander down cobblestone passages as we explore the heart of Rome. Spend a day dipping in and out of both thermal and cold waters. Biking along the shore of Balaton. Driving through the rocky mountains. Hiking along the coast of Nova Scotia. Canoeing in pyramid lake. Sitting in my parent’s living room as the fire burns. Playing Rummy with my family.

Sigh.

And then I remember why I need to stay better. You know? Why I need to keep working on health. Why I have to guarantee myself I’ll do my best. These are the things to remember.

So yes, I get mad. I get so incredibly overwhelmed. I become disconnected in response. It can happen to anyone.

But thank goodness for writing, and remembering too. Thank goodness for taking the time to blog and reflect. Writing reveals what’s most important. It’s a reflection, a time machine, an opportunity.

Did you know that in 2013, Zsolt and I will travel to India? We will. Now there’s an adventure to look forward to.

(Another element, beside having seen family and friends this past weekend, to improving my mood was eating a serving of pecans. Not a cheap nut, but a good one. Mixed with light honey and a few dashes of cayenne pepper, broiled in the oven till they sizzled . . .  cooled, and then popped into my waiting mouth. Just you try and be grumpy after that.)

Routine for success (and tea)

Posted in After treatment, Bumpboobs, Canada, Writing by

Now I realise that success should not be measured in material gain. Giant homes, diamond rings, oil fields and speedy yachts parked in Monaco for the winter can’t make you happy unless you have friends, family and time in which to share the joy (these are just some examples, feel free to define your own idea of material gain). And I personally think a small backyard BBQ with awesome people is one of the best ways to spend a Friday night, and that really costs nothing except an investment of time (to cook & clean) and organisation (to get people to bring along a pot-luck dish), and a little bit of cash to buy the sausages & salad.

So please, don’t get me wrong when I say the following:

This chaise lounge is like sitting on a cushion of happiness, and together we float in the living room as the fireplace warms, the sun shines, and the walls whisper into my ear with their deep red tones. (A bold paint choice, no?)

This is my dream living room. Thankfully it’s also my parent’s house. And I think, one day soon, it’d be nice to have a similar place that makes me feel this cosy. (My old flat in England came quite close with our green sofa and giant windows . . . But then I was incredibly allergic to that place after the mold incident, and the “double glazed” windows leaked with British cold.)

Anyhow, while material goods aren’t the be-all and end-all. They are quite nice on a cosy December afternoon by the fire, and I think there’s nothing wrong with wanting a little piece of heaven in your living room. So long as it doesn’t get excessive. (i.e. No diamond studded coffee table. Although to be honest, I’d very much like to have two homes – thus exceeding what most people would consider sufficient. I’d love to have a place in Ottawa and a place along the shore of Lake Balaton. That would be awesome. The excess is debatable.)

But in order to achieve any kind of material gain, we first need to have long-lasting splurges of success. That basically translates into ‘make money’ – which sounds a bit . . . hmm, unromantic, but it’s the freaking truth. And so for the past week and day (including today) I’ve tried to be more productive than normal.

Here’s my routine. It helps prevents rising entropy (my natural-and-hard-to-resist tendency of personal disorder). Right:

1) Wake up at a reasonable time.

2) Tidy the house. (Every morning there are grocery bags to stick back into the car. How do they keep on getting inside? )

3) Eat breakfast.

4) Get on the elliptical and exercise. (BURN ESTROGEN, BURN!!)

5) Take a shower.

6) Go out and write. This generally results in my visiting Starbucks. Today I tried the library but the chairs are all facing the window and it blinded me as I squinted at my light-reflecting computer screen. So I packed up my stuff and went over to the coffee shop. Notable: coffee shops are a constant trend in my life; places of both comfort and inspiration, plus cups of delicious tea!

7) Come back to the house and make lunch for my family.

The rest of the afternoon is left for the distractions. There are always distractions like cooking, cleaning, ‘responsibility’ing, visiting, tweeting,  job searching, blogging (yes, blogging is distracting. Lovely, but it doesn’t help my novel-writing progress), etc. You never know what the afternoon holds.

And while this routine-following doesn’t directly trigger a cash parade through my bank account, it nevertheless leaves me feeling AWESOME, and feeling AWESOME is great.  (I guess success is really more of a feeling, rather than a measurement of ‘where you are’, no? Today I feel successful. Not much has changed in my life, except that feeling, and about 300-1500 words per day of writing.)

So I’m going to try and stick to my pattern. It makes me feel productive, and that’s a powerful thing – I’d even say it’s better than this chaise lounge. Way better. Although the chaise is a beautiful piece of furniture.

Anyhow. Here ends my brain ramble. Have a wonderful, productive day, and may you be filled with a sense of success.

Finger crossed the routine continues!