This has been some week. One for the grey matter, that’s for sure. What started with a string of doctor’s appointments led into going to Montreal, visiting friends, and learning how to balance the accounts at my parent’s office. So now it’s Sunday. And now I’m done. Next week – that’s tomorrow, there will be more. There will be forms to fill, more travel to arrange, friends to meet (yay!), accounting to learn and hopefully, if I can cram it in, writing.Something about doctor’s appointments never settle well in my stomach, particularly when overwhelmed with new ideas. I went to an appointment last week with a doctor who has many novel approaches on how to best battle cancer (and just be healthy in general). This is a good thing, because the more perspectives the better and she’s  very informed and totally passionate. But by the end of our session, particularly considering I’d been to visit Dr Canada the day before, I was 100% exhausted. Exhausted and mad. Mad. Mad. Mad. Having to deal makes me mad. You know? Having to examine my diet, having to take supplements, having to give blood – simply having to deal. Too much at once can make me retreat into nothing all together.

Most often my preferred behaviour would be to hop on a plane for the south of France and live along the beach with the shells and sand castles. Zsolt could join me, just like he did when we first met. Or maybe we could rent a quad bike and get lost at dusk in the hills of Corfu. Or visit a market where we don’t speak the language and ask the locals to show us their cheese. Wander down cobblestone passages as we explore the heart of Rome. Spend a day dipping in and out of both thermal and cold waters. Biking along the shore of Balaton. Driving through the rocky mountains. Hiking along the coast of Nova Scotia. Canoeing in pyramid lake. Sitting in my parent’s living room as the fire burns. Playing Rummy with my family.

Sigh.

And then I remember why I need to stay better. You know? Why I need to keep working on health. Why I have to guarantee myself I’ll do my best. These are the things to remember.

So yes, I get mad. I get so incredibly overwhelmed. I become disconnected in response. It can happen to anyone.

But thank goodness for writing, and remembering too. Thank goodness for taking the time to blog and reflect. Writing reveals what’s most important. It’s a reflection, a time machine, an opportunity.

Did you know that in 2013, Zsolt and I will travel to India? We will. Now there’s an adventure to look forward to.

(Another element, beside having seen family and friends this past weekend, to improving my mood was eating a serving of pecans. Not a cheap nut, but a good one. Mixed with light honey and a few dashes of cayenne pepper, broiled in the oven till they sizzled . . .  cooled, and then popped into my waiting mouth. Just you try and be grumpy after that.)