Make Mine Pretty: Car Shopping

Posted in Bumpboobs, Chemotherapy, Fun, Life, Life despite cancer by

The Big Z said that if I do super awesome at blasting away cancer cells, as in – if I get to that moment of remission, I could do/have anything I wanted. Truth is, I don’t do/want too much more in life – except perhaps a cottage on some water…and a dog . . . and piece of warm rhubarb & strawberry pie with vanilla ice cream on the side.

BUT after a lot of thinking I did come up with an idea. It would be nice to have A CAR.

A car of my choosing, where I decided upon the type, and the accessories, and the colour. So Zsolt agreed. Get better, pick your car, he said.

Not too long ago I really wanted to buy a new sofa. But the Big Z was like, “no way those thing are too expensive.” So I said to him, if I one day get a full-time job I’ll buy a sofa. And he said, fine. Except we both knew that was a really long shot from ever happening. The sofa was a pie in the sky daydream. (a rhubarb strawberry flavoured pie in the sky daydream)

But then I went and landed the sweetest full time job you could ever ask for, and it came outta no where. BAM! At this very moment, I’m lounging on my lovely sofa. (which was going to be purchased new from the shop, but then we saw the exact model and colour on Kijiji for 200$ less. It had been sitting in a lady’s office unused, and she was moving offices – so we snapped it up! Sweet!)

Therefore, based on the sofa story, this car thing might actually happen.

To help with that possibility, I’m stimulating my mind by looking at cars. And here is what I’ve discovered so far:

 I really care about the colour.

And while I also care about safety, handling and fuel economy, colour is a HUGE part of my decision. I want a really cool colour, or a cute colour, or a pastel, or pattern, or something that makes me smile every time I see the car. Fushia maybe. Baby blue. Lemonade pink!

Yes, this is extremely stereotypical, and I’m sure it does very little for the portrait of a progressive, independent and smart women shopping for her first new car. However, forget all that because I want something pretty!

I’m trolling Instagram just hoping there’s a instragrammer who loves lattes, organic markets, bright nail polish and good books who also happens to test drive many different cars and snap great photographs for their feed, and at least make the cars look cute if not colourful. But nothing! I can find it for books, food, clothes, coffee . . . but not for cars. (I love with  book instagrammers do those color-coordinated collages of items and books. I also love a good latte shot.)

Where are the cute car instragrammers? The hipster car reviewers? The mani/pedi drivers? Where are the colour options?!

I look at car marketing, and I just do not jive. Yes, I like that a car is safe and drives well and gets great gas mileage – YES, I know those aspects matter – but I really don’t care about the look of the engine, or a piece by piece reconstruction of the interior, or the specs – SPECS? They are not my first stop in car shopping, they are for after my heart has been stolen by a beautiful design and colour.

Car shopping reminds me of when I first needed to switch to mastectomy bras, and suddenly realized everything comes in white, black and beige. (and, in the case of cars, red)

Dear ‘Car Marketers’, I am disillusioned. I need some serious whimsy and lifestyle imaginations in my car shopping experience – not a 360 rotating view on your website.

If you would like me to test-drive your vehicles and take cute Instagram pictures as I stop for my tea with girlfriends, give me a call. How about my husband and I take your car for a drive to the (to-be) cottage, and snap pictures along the way? Maybe we borrow a cute puppy and add it to the mix? If I’m too busy being chemo-drunk then get someone else to do it. Make car shopping instragram, pinterest, and tumbler friendly. Grab my imagination so I can push back these cancer cells! And also, while you are at it, more colour!! I reckon book bloggers, fashion ladies, bike fashionista and foodies, etc., are a valuable point of inspiration for the world of online car shopping. Take notes & leave us charmed.

The end.

 

ZZZzzzz

Posted in Bumpboobs, Chemotherapy by

Here I am back in bed, and doing okay. It is two days post chemo, and that is not enough time to recover my sense of self or independence. As in, I need to keep taking it easy. Thank goodness tomorrow is Family Day in Ontario, and I can avoid that tinge of work-guilt that tugs ever so slightly when calling in sick.

Truth be told, I’m not sure how the heck I’m going to cope with the upcoming head radiation. But there you go, one step at a time. This week I get the markers, next week we get started, the week after it continues – and then right at the end, time for more chemo.

My mother suggests I just focus on today. So I will. But I’m also having a hot flash as I write this down, and you know what that does to a lady’s mind.

I wonder if I’ll need to get new glasses, or if my eyes will go back to their normal vision?

The port is in, and so far so good. I’ve had warnings of not moving too much so that the stitches don’t burst, and other warnings that come when you are thin and getting a port embedded under your skin (as in, not as much padding as they would like, but I won’t go into why that isn’t a great thing. This port is going to work out.)

But whatever.

Today I am sleeping. Tomorrow may be easier. But still, no working allow yet.

Goooooooood night.

P.S. It has really been a decent few days. Family has made this possible. As has having some big bursts of love, and great back-discomfort coping techniques. Plus, I’ve been watching Once Upon a Time like crazy, and pretending I’m the noble hero out there, leading my t-cells into battle and slaying all those cancer cells.

 

Chemo Eve Eve

Posted in Bumpboobs, Canada, Chemotherapy, Finding Home, Life, Love, Radiotherapy Treatment, Treatment by

My friends do this thing each year called Christmas Eve Eve – when everyone gathers at a bar/pub to have some drinks and just pause for a good time. It’s nice and I’ve loved going.

Well, tonight is my ‘chemo eve eve’. It’s far less jolly and eventful than Christmas celebrations – however, I did paint my nails this evening, which was an adventure. With my eyes being so messed up, trying to focus upon the thickness of the polish upon my nails was rather different. Things a few feet away aren’t so hard, but those very close up details do challenge me. The entire time I was working that paint brush with my cutiicles, I was narrating to Zsolt: “Can’t clearly see what I’m doing, but it’s going on. Oh! All over the finger. Okay, now for the other hand!”

It may have helped if it the room hadn’t been so dim. My Dad always says “don’t curse the darkness, turn on a light.” But as I was only cursing the nail polish, I forgot all about the lights.

But hey, this was the best part of my evening, and I was revelling in the ridiculousness. My nails are now a very dark blue/green, and they look like someone painted them with a translucent blindfold on. Which is somewhat true, at least in the case of my left eye.

ImNotGrumpy

new hair cut, pre-nail-painting

So chemo starts very soon. Chemo and the magic key to remission: HER2+ targeted drugs. I am both dreading the chemo side effects, and looking forward to getting the cancer under control. It has truly had its way with me these past few months. Unfortunately I now have spots alongside both eyes, and – ugh – in that layer between the skull and the brain. So pretty much skirting the brain, though perhaps technically in the brain. But at least it’s not in the essential tissue … and I would like to avoid any ‘yet’ with that statement, and just say we’ll radiate the heck out of them and blast them away. Or so I pray. Brain is bad bad bad news.

But eye on the prize – we’ll do chemo, and then at the same time, radiation. I don’t know if it will be a targeted radiation treatment or full brain. The lovely doctor I spoke with today said he needs to consult with a few other doctors first. Either way, it will make painting my nails in dim lighting with one wonky eye look like a total cakewalk. (Karen, next time I’ll give you a call!)

Here is a nice story, and it’s also why I think I will do much better this time around than 5 years ago when first diagnosis. Everyone I love is here. My husband is beside me, and my family are here for me, and my friends are never too far away either, even when I’m too tired to do anything but think of them. 🙂 Just this past weekend, my mom broke out the flip chart board, and my entire family brainstormed ways to help support me in beating back the cancer – getting to that golden word ‘remission’ (officially my new favourite word. I like it even more than ‘butter’ and ‘delicious’). This family gathering was the most touching thing you could see. And then, after all that brainstorming, we made a picture board together. 🙂

Mission remission. Get this damn cancer under control! I’m going big, because there’s no choice for going home – except if you are speaking literally, but let’s not muddy that up. I want the cancer gone. gone, gone, gone. May this Chemo eve eve mark the moment when everything starts going right. It needn’t be a shitty day – but instead a day that tips the scales, and gives my body the chance needed to regain control. Let’s pray on that, if you dig prayer. Otherwise maybe you can just nod your head and think: go for it.

Cheers to getting better. And to family. And to dark nail polish. And – oh! To a cute new pixie cut. It may only last a week, but at least that’s one week when I can rock this new look. (I may look a bit grumpy in this picture, but really I’m just exhausted. Cancer is exhausting.)

And now, it’s time for bed.

😛