Chemo Eve Eve

My friends do this thing each year called Christmas Eve Eve – when everyone gathers at a bar/pub to have some drinks and just pause for a good time. It’s nice and I’ve loved going.

Well, tonight is my ‘chemo eve eve’. It’s far less jolly and eventful than Christmas celebrations – however, I did paint my nails this evening, which was an adventure. With my eyes being so messed up, trying to focus upon the thickness of the polish upon my nails was rather different. Things a few feet away aren’t so hard, but those very close up details do challenge me. The entire time I was working that paint brush with my cutiicles, I was narrating to Zsolt: “Can’t clearly see what I’m doing, but it’s going on. Oh! All over the finger. Okay, now for the other hand!”

It may have helped if it the room hadn’t been so dim. My Dad always says “don’t curse the darkness, turn on a light.” But as I was only cursing the nail polish, I forgot all about the lights.

But hey, this was the best part of my evening, and I was revelling in the ridiculousness. My nails are now a very dark blue/green, and they look like someone painted them with a translucent blindfold on. Which is somewhat true, at least in the case of my left eye.

ImNotGrumpy

new hair cut, pre-nail-painting

So chemo starts very soon. Chemo and the magic key to remission: HER2+ targeted drugs. I am both dreading the chemo side effects, and looking forward to getting the cancer under control. It has truly had its way with me these past few months. Unfortunately I now have spots alongside both eyes, and – ugh – in that layer between the skull and the brain. So pretty much skirting the brain, though perhaps technically in the brain. But at least it’s not in the essential tissue … and I would like to avoid any ‘yet’ with that statement, and just say we’ll radiate the heck out of them and blast them away. Or so I pray. Brain is bad bad bad news.

But eye on the prize – we’ll do chemo, and then at the same time, radiation. I don’t know if it will be a targeted radiation treatment or full brain. The lovely doctor I spoke with today said he needs to consult with a few other doctors first. Either way, it will make painting my nails in dim lighting with one wonky eye look like a total cakewalk. (Karen, next time I’ll give you a call!)

Here is a nice story, and it’s also why I think I will do much better this time around than 5 years ago when first diagnosis. Everyone I love is here. My husband is beside me, and my family are here for me, and my friends are never too far away either, even when I’m too tired to do anything but think of them. πŸ™‚ Just this past weekend, my mom broke out the flip chart board, and my entire family brainstormed ways to help support me in beating back the cancer – getting to that golden word ‘remission’ (officially my new favourite word. I like it even more than ‘butter’ and ‘delicious’). This family gathering was the most touching thing you could see. And then, after all that brainstorming, we made a picture board together. πŸ™‚

Mission remission. Get this damn cancer under control! I’m going big, because there’s no choice for going home – except if you are speaking literally, but let’s not muddy that up. I want the cancer gone. gone, gone, gone. May this Chemo eve eve mark the moment when everything starts going right. It needn’t be a shitty day – but instead a day that tips the scales, and gives my body the chance needed to regain control. Let’s pray on that, if you dig prayer. Otherwise maybe you can just nod your head and think:Β go for it.

Cheers to getting better. And to family. And to dark nail polish. And – oh! To a cute new pixie cut. It may only last a week, but at least that’s one week when I can rock this new look. (I may look a bit grumpy in this picture, but really I’m just exhausted. Cancer is exhausting.)

And now, it’s time for bed.

πŸ˜›

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19 thoughts on “Chemo Eve Eve

  1. The hair, nails and attitude look good on you! Love how your family has united behind you as added strength. That is the best gift of all. Sending support here. I know it’s not easy.

  2. Sending love and wishing you all the best with your chemo, radiation etc Catherine. I know it’s tough, but hang on in there, ’cause it’s going to be better on the other side of treatment. Here’s to your remission mission! Julia xx

  3. Mission remission. I love the sound of that. It’s wonderful how you have such a loving support system, and your new hair cut is adorable, as are the nails. You don’t look grumpy, btw. Sending more love and support from me to you. Good luck with chemo. Mission remission. Onward. xx

  4. I love how you look in short hair. It brings out the beauty of your face, especially your expressive eyes and full lips. This particular picture makes you look like the reflective author that you are.

    When you said “… we’ll radiate the heck out of them and blast them away…” my mind immediately sent you a glowing radiance of healing energy.

    I believe in the power of picture boards, and in the power of your family and friends and your internet readers to send you loving and healing energy.

  5. Hello, Catherine,

    Love how you are going for it with such great attitude, with your Zsolt beside you, and surrounded by a loving family! The nail polish and your adorable pixie cut helps round out a picture of a woman who is ready to rocky this treatment – seriously!!! Sending you my best thoughts for comfort and for healing. Much Love, Karen

  6. I do pray, and I’m praying for you girl. I love the pixie cute. I heard something about applying cold to the scalp during treatment can save the hair from falling out…but at the same time, is the hair that big of a priority? Kill that villainous bastard. Kill it gone. World without end, Amen.

    XO

  7. First off, I love the new ‘do. You look badass. You hear that cancer?!?! She’s badass!!

    I’m thinking of you and sending all my best thoughts your way as you embark on Mission Remission. You obviously have an amazing emotional support system around you (the image of the brainstorming session made me teary – in a good way!).

    And I’m really looking forward to finally meeting one day soon, somewhere between Hungary and Canada πŸ™‚

  8. Hi Catherine. I don’t know you, but I’ve been following your journey for some time. Thanks for your brutal honesty about what you are going through. Your writing is giving much support to others who are also facing the big “C”. I do dig prayer, so you are surely in mine!

  9. Good luck tomorrow, Catherine. I’ve got to admit I’ve been worried for the last little while, so I’m really hoping this next round of treatment knocks the cancer out once and for all. Looking forward to seeing you over coffee sometime soon.

    -Alasdair

  10. Pingback: Weekly Round Up: The Valentine’s Day Edition | Journeying Beyond Breast Cancer

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