Cookie Comforts

Posted in Food, Fun, Life by

Ah, sometimes when cruising through life we just need to stop and enjoy a cookie. That’s my mantra: have a cookie and a cup of tea, things will seem better. So this morning I paused in my workday to whip up – literally, it took 10 minutes – some cookies. Gluten free chocolate-chip cookies, and tresssss delish! The only thing is, I didn’t write down the receipe and put in way too much sugar (could have done with about 1 cup less).

Here are some guidelines if you want to try this yourself.

2 eggs, 1/2 cup ish melted butter, 1 cap vanilla extract, pinch of salt and some sugar (A bit of white and a bit of brown, but not too much overall! Maybe coconut sugar would be a nice alternative?). Mix and set aside.

Some gluten-free flour mix (no clue what’s in this, but it’s from Bulk Barn . .. it tastes quite beany raw, so I suspect lentil flour mixed with other stuff) – maybe 3/4 a cup, ground almond –  I don’t know.  1 – 1.5 cups ish? (I just shook it out of the mason jar).  pinch of tapioca starch. Bit of baking powder (gluten free), few table spoons icing sugar (gluten free? – though maybe cut this entirely since these cookies are too sweet),  bit of coconut flour . . 1/2 cup? I have no idea. Chocolate chips to your preference . .. I didn’t put in many.

Mix it all together till it’s wet but not too wet. (Ha! This is such a poorly described recipe!) and spoon out into balls on a parchment paper covered baking sheet. Bake at 350 about 8-10 minutes. Yummy!  You can freeze any leftover dough for later cookie cravings.

Compassion, Cabbage & Cramps

Posted in After treatment, Bumpboobs, Life, Love by

Cramps suck! This morning as Zsolt and I were on a mission to buy organic free-range eggs from the local Loblaws, I began to feel a pressure inside my abdomen. At this point I distinctly remember passing a diner filled with Sunday-morning patrons, all of whom were enjoying the Sunday 3.95 breakfast. Zsolt was astonished that the restaurant was so crazy full, with more and more people coming down the sidewalk to go in, but I told him that in Canada breakfast is a big deal, and we honour this meal with a special Sunday observance and marked down menu prices. So we were off to get some eggs, and maybe a bag of rice because I bought a cabbage in the market yesterday for one dollar, so my mind is all, “you gotta make cabbage layer!” while my body is all: “you’re not going to do anything productive today!” and it let me know this just as we were passing a diner.

Anyhow, that’s when it started. I don’ t know about you, but I’ve got different sorts of periods aches . . . some are about a sore back, some are about the ovaries being tender, this one . . . I don’t know what it’s about, but I do know it’s damn painful.

Starting slowly, this pressure built up and up till by the time we’d crossed the intersection toward Loblaws, it was sharp and radiating from my front to back. Lord.

So I say to Zsolt: “we need to turn around.” And he offeres no protests – instead we turned around, and he rubs my back as we walk back toward the flat.

Finally we reach the flat and I’m relieved. Sometimes this stuff becomes so intense I think I might pass out, but then I never actually do pass out  – because I generally hit the bed in time. Actually, this threatening lack of consciousness is mostly about the anxiety, because when this radiating of pain starts to happen, I just think “What the frack is my body doing?!” And the worst starts to creep across my thoughts . . . so no matter how many deep breaths I’m trying to take, they all end up short and tense, thus the sensation of passing out. Basically, I have mini panic attacks because I don’t want to get sick again, and it’s hard to trust the body after the shit it put me through already.

On the other hand, if this is what it takes to have a baby and know the process is working – then okay, great. But who knows? I only hope.

Anyhow, we get back to the flat and here is the entire point to my post: We get back, and Zsolt is incredible. He puts on the kettle and gets out the hot water bottle as I crawl into bed. He makes me a cup of tea. He comes into the bedroom and rubs my back a little, then sits next to me as I clutch the water bottle and strokes my bare leg. Then after maybe an hour passes, he tops up my tea and defrosts the chicken soup – bringing it to me in bed on a tray.

Ah. Today my man took good care of me. I guess over the past several years, he’s learnt ‘how best to comfort my wife’ and when the pain was throwing me into panic, he was remaining calm and attentive. It was reassuring.

I really think that before medicine comes love. Love knows you’re scared, it sits with you, and it wraps you in its warmth. Today Zsolt was so very good at taking care of me, and I’m so very thankful for that.

As for the cramps, I’m not in pain like before but am totally knackered and rather uncomfortable. However, while at the grocery store today ( A different grocery store, not Loblaws and no organic eggs. This was much later in the day after several hours in bed I went to a friend’s place to watch people bake. Part of this experience involved going to the shop to get the missing ingredients),  my period cramps were thrown into perspective as the lady at the till was pregnant and suffering pregnancy pains. She was bending over and trying to breath, saying she felt like passing out. When I asked if the store couldn’t at least get her a stool, she said that she’d asked and they said they didn’t have one – so this women is checking out items and obviously suffering. Where was the love from her store? I don’t know and I’m sorry it was lacking. It just seemed totally wrong.

After that I decided that I’m lucky regardless of cramps or whatever; I’m just lucky to have been given what I needed when I needed it most. A little compassion goes a long, long way.

Our House (Flat)

Posted in Finding Home, Fun, Life by

The flat is finally coming together. Last week we moved to our OWN PLACE! and with us came about 30 boxes and pieces of furniture. Since then, we’ve been wading through cardboard, bubble wrap, books, dishes and dust on the floors. But finally this place seems to be coming together. I’m going to describe it for you, just a little, cause I’m so very pleased to once again be living with my husband in a place we can make our own.

(That gallery I put up the other day was courtesy of my Blackberry, which I don’t use nearly enough and so decided to play with theWordpress app. It’s not user friendly, so writing posts and sharing photographs becomes tricky. However you saw a few bits and bobs – the basket and artwork made by the lovely Barbro of Sweden and Southampton, the slipcover I sewed for my grandmother’s sofas (plus the cushions I sewed with leftover headboard material), the picture I drew ages ago and just discovered in a box, the chairs I recovered, and a rose pattern that was on the dress I happened to be wearing.)

The Bedroom

Right. The bedroom is rather large. It’s also rather sparse. There’s something about bedrooms that I prefer to keep as simple as possible. This has everything to do with my sloppy habits . . . logic goes that if there’s not much in the room to mess up, it doesn’t become a crazy pit of discarded clothing and tissues. Oh my god, you should have seen my room only one year ago – I couldn’t help myself! There’d be so many clothes on the floor that I’d eventually give up walking around the mess, and settle for walking over it. So the bedroom is space with very little decoration except for the drapes with their statement IKEA white-on-black tree pattern, the white & black checked headboard, the blue slip-covered sofa, my Cath Kidson bed sheets (pink roses and blue background) and a picture from Lulu’s old home – this picture is in a beautiful golden frame, and the portrait itself is of a girl reading a book in some fancy Victorian clothing.

I can remember being very young at Lulu’s old home in Montreal and looking at this picture. That was when Lulu had a giant record player in a wooden cabinet, and some silky sofas that would most certainly be called ‘vintage’ wherever they are today. I wondered who the girl  in the painting (print) was, and what she happened to be reading. I wondered if she was really posing for this painting or was it the artist’s imagination? I would look at it and wonder.

Now with it here in this room, I look at it and simply feel calm. Calm is very good.

The Kitchen

The kitchen is also large. Maybe a bit too large? Or maybe I just don’t know how to use space effectively. We have a table (from Lulu’s) accompanied by four colourful chairs that are pushed against the far wall. It is an intermediate room between the bedroom and the living room; it is a place of transition and a place of short-term pause. I like it very much, but amazingly it’s my least favourite room since it receives the least light. Darkness isn’t as soul-feeding as lightness. However, the soup created in this kitchen is totally delish that’s a different sort of soul-feeding.

The Living Room.

My next favourite room after the bedroom-when-the-sun-shines. This room is where life goes down. There is a large desk that Zsolt is currently rearranging because he thinks I’m a crazy messy fool who couldn’t organize a drawer if her life depended upon it. Well, maybe if my life depended on it . . . (But the truth here is that we have different definitions of ‘organization’ and mine involves a bit more creativity while his involves a ton more order.) In this living room, we have a computer and media area (one side of the room) and a life and leisure area (the other side of the room). There’s a HUGE amount of space in the middle, and if I had more inclination I’d fill it with an area rug. But I don’t, so it will stay huge and open and possibly available for spur-of-the-moment dance parties. The front windows are very large, and have a privacy curtain and drapes. This room is particularly fabulous because of the clustering of photographs and artwork on the walls.

And that is that.

Welcome to my new apartment. It’s rather lovely, if I do say so myself.

P.S.

Happy Thanksgiving! This past weekend I was able to take the bus with Zsolt and go into Kanata for a family meal. This is special. I didn’t have to board a plane, didn’t have to fly for hours, and didn’t have to suffer the ache of saying goodbye at the end of the visit because they are close, and I am here, and everyone is reachable. It’s like a big hole in my heart has been filled in. This apartment and my life with Zsolt, that’s another repair that has needed fixing and is now starting to heal. Things are coming together and it warms me up from the inside. Plus, I’m almost done the first draft of my love-child, the Generations story. Wowzers, so many good things – these are all very good things.

P.P.S. I am toying with a new name for this blog, or at least a new look to start. Once I have a list I’ll put up some poll for a bit of fun, but in the meanwhile suggestions are always welcome!