All I really want to do is look at beautiful things (like spring) and talk with wonderful people. I’d also love to go to Lake Balaton and have a wine spritzer by the water, while the sun sets across the water. And I’d like if there was a ‘forget this all’ pill that I could take for a few days.

Truth is, it would be easier if I could leave my emotions and thoughts behind, and just do what I really want to do. With all that is going on, the emotions don’t make this easy, so instead as I feel frustrated and sad, I daydream of things I’d like to do.

So let’s see…

I’d like to smile more for my husband, so he feels like everything is alright. 🙂

I’d like to sleep really, really well. Sleep like someone who is on vacation and feeling so safe.

I’d like to look in the mirror and see myself clearly.

I’d like to dance all night, outside, with friends and some great candle light. No mosquitoes!

I’d like to listen to Cat Stevens and Eric Clapton, which I’m actually doing – so there’s one realized!

I’d like to go shopping for summer dresses.

I’d like to have energy! That will come. Not for a while, yet.

I’d like to eat something deeply delicious.

I’d like a gluten-free grilled cheese sandwich from The Red Door (in Ottawa). To be done.

I’d like a non-dramatic, yet highly fun kids book to read.

I’d like to make something cool.

I’d like to pet a dog to which I’m not allergic. And give it a big hug. And then it can take a nap with me 🙂

I’d like to go to the Farmer’s Market and pick out beautiful food – and I’d like to bike there and back, too!

I’d like to do very little, and yet still accomplish something wonderful.

I’d like to learn how to paint with oil. (And I guess, l learn how to paint at all!)

I’d like to play the piano. Christmas music, specifically.

I’d like to sail on the Queen Mary.

I’d like to go for a picnic in the common.

I’d like to sing. (Which I do, but you know, it should be done more)

I’d like to sit in a kayak and marvel at the water.

I’d like to realize that I feel 100% myself again. I love those vivid moments of self that sneak up on you; when suddenly you are at your shining best, doing what you love, feeling in that ‘impossible to perfectly arrange but wonderful to realize’ way.

Ever feel that way – when you’re just living life and suddenly everything is so very right? Maybe it’s in the garden . . . or walking to the shop . . . or the touch of a warm breeze on a gorgeous day . . . or the way a dress brushes against your legs . . . or the first taste of a cool drink . . . or the sight of someone special walking towards you . . . and you know you are 100% yourself, 100% your most, in that moment.

I’d like that.

While life shouldn’t depend upon anticipation, sometimes it is a very important sustaining factor.

P.S. Things I get to do everyday:

See my amazing husband. Enjoy the company of my family. Think about friends and those far away. Be taken care of – and right now that is a BIG deal. Nap. So you know, it’s not all horrible stuff – it’s just . . . I can’t help daydreaming of the better days, which include these things, and so much more.