A whole lotta love

This post is for Lulu, who worries when I don’t write. Bonjour, Lulu!

Things are coming along. Friday was treatment, today Zsolt and I spent the morning in bed talking. It’s easier when he is here to distract me with chit chat. My thoughts are really the problem  – they trigger the sickness to become overwhelming. And for some reason this round of chemo is more difficult than the last. Probably because we didn’t stop the nausea in time.

But this has been a nice morning. I am now eating a few slices of cucumber and Zsolt is in the kitchen with the dishes. It’s 11.30 am, we’ve been up since 8.30. The ability to rest together is a good sign for a relationship, isn’t it? Back in the day Zsolt and I would spend entire (and I mean entire) morning in bed just talking. We still do of course, but not every weekend. Sometimes there is work, other times there is treatment, and others we have company. I really cherish our morning – plus it gives me something better to type about than nausea etc.

The past couple days have been draining. Keeping food down  is a challenge, which frustrates me because my weight was just starting to rise again. I’d like another three weeks off, please. I’d also like a house in Balaton and a house in Canada – since I’m in the asking mood. And a promise that this cancer will never, ever, ever come back.

My mother and I have made a list. Nicole had suggested making a list of things to look forward to (see comment from past post Help for those helping) and I’m quite glad we did. Here are a few things that Mom and I look forward to doing:

Going to the spa.

Making Christmas cookies.

Sharing a poutine.

Playing cranium with the family.

Visiting a tea shop.

Putting up the tree.

Seeing family again.

There are more things, but that’s a taster. It was really fun to make the list; mom would slowly read it back so I could imagine each activity. There is much to look forward to, and I’m trying to keep my mind focused on those goals. But thank goodness for the people around me. Without them I’d be drifting back to chemo, the room, the syringes . . . and that’s no good, believe me.

The doctors and nurses keep offering me mood relaxing drugs. I keep saying no. What I really need are positive distractions and a whole lot of love. A whole lotta love. Luckily it’s all around.

*Once I feel better I’ll write about the picc line – but give me a couple days yet.