Space, Life, Death, and God

The other night Zsolt and I were laying in bed and wondering about space. You know, how it keeps going and going and going? You get to the end of one universe, and hey, there’s another. And then what? How far does it all go? What does it all mean? Where does that place us?

A long time ago I decided to stop wondering about the universe. It was simply too huge and unknowable, my brain would tick-tick-tick at the possibilities and vastness . . . I’d lay in bed not sleeping, simply being overawed. Until I decided to stop thinking about space.

And like I said to Zsolt last night – “no matter how big this thing is, whatever this thing is, I’m awfully glad to be lying here next to you.”

But then when it comes to funerals and death and life-after-death (we’re going to Lulu’s funeral this weekend, and it will be a lovely memorial) when I think about death, that’s like the only time I find it incredibly comforting to think about space.

Because space is so huge, and so unknowable (even if we explore, there will always be more  that stays a mystery) . . . and death is so huge and so unknowable. And yet – space happens, and space exists. And death happens, and death exists. And somewhere in all this is something called God, or god, or however/whatever you want to call God. And God is huge and unknowable.

So while I cannot say what happens after a person passes away (thought I know what I’d like to have happen, to a degree, which is to be reunited with everyone you’ve ever loved and then go off together and explore the rest of the universe, kinda like Dr Who and his Tardis) – I know that while I cannot ever fully realize the unknowable, it nevertheless exists. And within that not knowing are so many possibilities. So many incredible, whatever-you-allow-yourself-to-imagine possibilities.

And so I hope whatever Lulu wished for most, she has right now. I hope she is surrounded by love. And I hope she’s really happy.

Space and God and Life and Death, it’s all so absolutely incredible. But thinking too much about these things tends to blow my mind. That’s why I’ve written it down and shared it with you. And that’s why I’m going to go to bed now, and snuggle up with my husband. Because no matter how big BIG is, or how far existence stretches, or tiny we are in the grand scheme of things (or hey, maybe we’re huge and this is all like some giant Trumen Show) – like I said to Zsolt, “I’m just happy to be here beside you.”

The author of Peter Pan said something about death once I found rather encouraging. He said something like, “death is the best adventure you’ll ever have.”

So Lulu, I hope you’re having the best adventure of your entire life. Be sure to give grandpa a kiss on the cheek for us, eh. 😉

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One thought on “Space, Life, Death, and God

  1. Hi Catherine,

    I certainly enjoy your thoughts on space and death. Our universe is awesome, and like many other people, including physicists, I believe that there is life after death and that there are other universes beyond our own.

    A year after my grandmother died, I heard her voice when I was entering my bedroom. She said, “Everything will be alright”. It felt as though she wanted to tell me that life after our current journey is completed, goes on.

    Several years ago when I was grieving the death of my cat, Isis, who happened to like watching Egyptian archaeology on TV with me, I told Tony that I had tried letting go of her spirit so that she could move on, but the sadness was still with me. In a moment of insight, Tony asked me to ask Isis to let go of me. As I did so, Isis appeared in my mind’s eye in a flash of beautiful flames which matched the fiery colour of her fur, as if to say that she was letting go of me.

    A few years later, two of my other cats, Odin and Thor, who were Isis’s brothers were both ill with hyperthyroidism. Odin was very close to me in that no matter where he was in my house, whenever I went to meditate, he would run up the stairs with his sweet chirping and would join me in my meditation. I took both cats to the vet, Odin, to be euthanized since he looked like he was in the final stages of kidney failure, and Thor, to undergo tests to see if he was a candidate for radiation therapy for hyperthyroidism. The vet decided that Odin was not yet ready to die, and both cats were tested for upcoming radiation therapy, the gold standard for curing cats with hyperthyroidism.

    Unfortunately, Thor, who was considered the better candidate for therapy since he did not have the kidney complications that Odin had, died three days later at the age of 15 years. It felt like he had given his life’s energy to Odin. Odin had his radiation therapy and went on to live until he was 17 ½ years, where he did succumb to kidney failure.

    Odin demonstrated a strong will to live. During the last three months of his life, there were two more occasions where I had made an appointment to have him euthanized, and then cancelled because his life force had rebounded. He had defeated death once before when I discovered that, as a kitten of six months of age, his liver had wrapped itself around his heart due to a peritoneal hernia and he would be dead in a matter of months. I found a surgeon who convinced me that he had an 80% of surviving the operation and living a good life. Odin did have a good life where we learnt a lot from each other.

    My blog is long, but it’s to illustrate the mysteries of the life force that we don’t understand – my grandmother who was the first one to send me a message from beyond; Isis whose spirit still was attached to mine after she died; Thor who gave his strong life energy to Odin; and Odin who found me, and allowed me to give him a long and happy life.

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