My birthday is in 25 minutes and counting down. It’s not like fireworks are going to erupt at 9 a.m. but I will suddenly and officially be thirty. Zsolt likes to say that I’ve been 30 these past six months, which reeks of logic and tastes like haste. I’m 29 this very moment, and then, once the clock ticks ahead – WHAMO – 30.
A lady editor once taught me that numbers over ten are to be written in word-form. Like forty-six or eighteen or twenty-nine. She did not teach me about those little dashes, however, and I put them in only because I think it looks better. Much of my grammar is based on ‘what looks better’, which likely explains why much of my grammar is incorrect.
So here is a secret about my thirties (which I hope by declaring will no longer make it a secret and banish away this stupid notion) . . . I’m a wee bit worried about them, because for the entirety of my life – thinking back to when I was ten, or 12, or 19, or 20, or 25, I could never imagine what it would be like in my thirties. What would my face look like? How tall would I be? What sort of work would I be doing? Would I live in a house, have a dog, babies, purpose? Marriage . . . I could never imagine my wedding until it had actually happened.
And I thought to myself (very quietly) what I was wasn’t going to turn 30? What if I couldn’t imagine it because it was never going to happen? Would I die before I turned 30? (Now you have a sense for how dramatic my stupid thoughts can get!)
Flashback two years ago when I was diagnosed with cancer at 27 (almost 28), and my panic mode was really kicking in. It was all – “oh, shit, Catherine, you have cursed yourself with this stupid unknown decade obsession. Now hurry up and start WANTING something from your next chunk of life, and the one after that, and after that, and etc.”
Because I reckon when we really, really want something, we can accomplish that desire even if it takes time. Actually, I think it’s a powerful sort of thing to want something badly – and to know in your mind that it will happen. That stuff is better than magic beans and three wishes combined. That’s determination, and I think it makes all the difference.
So what am I determined to do in my thirties? Live, survive, become a novelist, love-love-love, buy a cottage in Balaton (Hungary), have those babies (this desire is attached with many other quiet and dramatic fears, which need to be dealt with eventually), be with Zsolt, laugh with Zsolt, explore with Zsolt, have family dinners, keep my amazing friends and make even more (if it’s possible since we keep freaking moving!), stay in shape, never have cancer again, get a dog, and be good to others – take care, support, encourage, contribute, be there.
Anyhow, that’s my life. My life in my thirties. Once the forties creep up I’ll need to revise this list.
Everyday is a good day and every birthday granted is really the best gift possible. I love living, so am very glad to be doing so today.
There it is – ten minutes left! Here comes the 30 train, and I’ll be hopping on quite happily.
(Psst. I bought myself a big 30 piñata that I’m going to smash to pieces, therefore showing 30 that I can indeed conquered this stupid age-hump of unknowingness that is in my mind. Plus I bought myself balloons that say 30 on them, and napkins, and this blow-up thing that shoots out 30 everywhere, and a candle in the shape of a 30, and fireworks for the evening. Because I figured that for me today was special, even if on the outside it looks like yet another birthday, and it was going to be celebrated in a ridiculous way here at this cottage . . . even if the party only consists of my closest family, that’s okay. I’m turning 30. Everything is okay.)
And if it’s your birthday soon too, of if it’s just past, or you just want to join the party – HAPPY BIRTHDAY to you too!! Wooohoooo! Isn’t it nice to celebrate good things? 🙂
(Hey! It’s now past 9 a.m. – we made it!!! )
16 thoughts on “Here comes the thirty train!!”
Those are wonderful plans for your 30s. Happy, happy birthday and many more happy ones to come.
Thank you, Francoise. 🙂
Happy birthday in every sense of the word, Catherine. It’s extra meaningful to those who’ve undergone cancer treatment. I just know you’ll enjoy this new, exciting decade of your life. I surely did, and every one after that. xxoo
I have to agree with you, Jan. There might be some parallel dimension where I didn’t get cancer and therefore mourned the loss of my twenties (and my hair is bright purple) – but here and now, I’m just thankful for each passing year. 🙂
Catherine – I hope you had a great birthday. There is something weird going on with WordPress and comments/my phone. Anyway … I started the day by telling you that, having been 30 for the past almost-20 years, it is indeed the best!!
Ha! I love that! Thanks, Yvonne.
My thirties was my cancer years so for me the forties are the new thirties 😉 I know it’s a cliche, but honestly, age really, really doesn’t matter as much as attitude, and you have the right attitude to make your next decade a wonderful one, I just know it! Happy Birthday dearest Catherine xxx
Thanks so much, Marie 🙂 If that’s truly the case, then I think we should make each coming decade even better than the last.
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Woohoo! 30! Everyone used to tell me that the 30’s are the best time in your life. May you make the best of them and may all of your birthday wishes come true.
People say that about a lot of decades, so I’m never sure if it should be taken seriously. BUT. We’re here now. Time to make the most of this decade 🙂 (Are you in your 30s? I just assumed so based on your comment)
Happy Birthday!! I know I’m a few days late but my mom always says birthday celebrations last all week. (That’s probably because she is often late…) I hope you had a great day, week, and year!
Your mom sounds just about right. For a few days after my birthday, I insist on my husband singing the ‘happy birthday’ song over and over. Bet he’ll be glad when the week is finally over! Thanks for your b-day wishes. 🙂
Hey, HIPPO BIRDIES, TWO EWES!!!
My 30s were great. Maybe the best in my life. I hope yours will be, too. Congratulations for making it this far!!
I know what you mean about “did I do this to myself by worrying about it.!” sort of like someone who is afraid to fly who grips the seat or won’t get up because otherwise the plane will fall out of the sky. What? I don’t know anyone like that … *whistling*
Thanks, Jules. It’s so weird the way our minds work, eh? I too grip the seat.
Sounds like you had an awesome birthday!! I love birthdays and this milestone is certainly one to celebrate! I am with you on the ‘dont know what to expect from this decade’ thing. It’s so true, I hadn’t really imagined life after 25…and it is definitely not what I was expecting! I hope you had a great day and welcome to the 30 club!!