The other day I was watching the View. I’m on leave from work, and I guess when you are on leave watching ladies chat about pop culture and American politics is a thing that just happens naturally. Honestly, they kind of drive me crazy (because I’d like to argue with them, but end up arguing with the TV screen. Then my mother, working in the other room, says ‘who are you talking to? And I have to admit that it’s no one.), but if I don’t watch something I have trouble remembering to eat my banana for breakfast.
Anyhow, Sally Field appeared on the show to promote her film Hello My Name is Doris. Apparently it’s good, according to her and the ladies at the table. I believe them. From this chat, Sally Field was asked about gender and age in Hollywood. She shared some insightful remarks about trends and actions and ideas without follow through. I was impressed with her experienced perspective. But one little thing really caught me, and it continues to make me think.
While discussing age and Hollywood, the ladies of the view were letting Sally know how darn good she looked – ‘You look 35!’ says Joyce Beher, a View host. I know that is meant as a compliment, but it immediately strikes me as a sad juxtaposition against the words that Sally had literally just spoken. Sally Field is smart and productive and beautiful.
“What the heck was that?” I say to the TV screen.
Does she look 35? No.
Should she look 35? No.
Does Joyce’s comment inadvertently imply that whatever age Sally is at this moment isn’t an age to be honoured?
Yep.
And what’s sad is that is really how our culture has been trained to think, not just Joyce Beher. We attach beauty to age – with an emphasis on ‘anti-aging’, when the two things needn’t have a damn thing to do with one another.
People who are beautiful in my life:
My mother; my father; My mother-in-law, my father-in-law, my brother’s partners, my brothers, my best friend and her husband, my sister and brother in law, the inspiring library ladies who I worked with in both Southampton and Rosemount, the women of my old book club and writing group, the children of my cousins (and my lovely cousins too!), all the babies I adore to see on Facebook, my husband, my grandmother, my husband’s grandmother….
There are so many beautiful people in the world, and the more I come to meet and know them, the more incredible they are in my mind.
How old are all the people I just listed? It doesn’t matter one bit. They are a range of ages and experiences. They are a rainbow of eye colours, hair types, tan lines, wrinkles, scars, and smiles.
Beauty is not age. And the moment we say ‘you look half your age’ I think we discount the value of perspective, wisdom and credit earned within a lifetime, as well as how wrinkles add kindness to a face, and grey hair is lovely, and stretch marks are accomplishments. (etc)
Age before beauty? Beauty before age?
In my mind the two do not compete.
Beauty is as beauty does.
Bumpyboobs ~CatherineBrunelleWrites 
Exactly! This is perfectly said. Aging is a privilege, we should brag about every wrinkle, not reward people for succeeding at not looking their age.
Well, that was incredible. What you just wrote. Beauty certainly is as beauty does. And in the eye of the beholder, indeed. My husband who I’ve known for over 20-yrs is so much more attractive, with his still cheeky smirk, and streaks of grey, and beautiful as a person can possibly be for myriad reasons – such as still telling me how beautiful I am every day. And I believe him, for he’s correct. We’ve both been through so much. We’ve weathered breast cancer – mastectomy and all. And now I’m paralyzed due to a spinal cord complication. It doesn’t matter to us. Bring it on. Age and all. … But the real kernel here, Ms Brunelle, is how a person such as your good intelligent self can subject to The View. Ugh. It’s an insult to the senses and enough to put you off a banana. 🙂 You’re beautiful, Catherine. So beautiful. xo
Beautiful piece of advice for all ages. A man like Ian McKellen can look almost 20 years older to play an ancient Sherlock Holmes, but a Merrill Streep or Diane Keaton or Sally Field better look at least 15 years younger than their real age or else! Let’s instead look to the heart and find beauty and wisdom there.
Well said, Jan 🙂
Love this. I would also love to get old and earn every wrinkle. I think I have a different view of aging than your average human being and I think that aging is a beautiful thing.
For sure – when the option to age is at risk, it suddenly shows all it’s values and virtues. I get that entirely. Feel the same.
Hi Catherine,
Having overcome depression through the help of your dad and your mom, I am grateful to be able to see beauty around me. That also applies to the beauty that I see in the people around me, whether they are family, friends or strangers. I will often complement a stranger about their smile, their eyes, their stylish hair, or what they are wearing. It has nothing to do with their physical shape or their age. It’s because something about them perked me up and made me feel happy, and I wanted them to know that. They always let me know that I have made their day.
Today, much to my surprise, a grumpy opinionated stranger commented that a lady my age should not have purple and green streaks in my grey hair. I ignored him because I like colour. The purple and green streaks make me happy whenever I see myself in the mirror … I imagine myself to be a colourful tropical bird … purple is my favourite colour and the green reminds me of the Caribbean sea. I ignored him because I am comfortable with who I am, and I am able to see the beauty within me!
Good for you! Show off those streaks and enjoy 🙂
“the kind of beauty that moves” ani difranco
Perfect.
Thank you for this post. I love your wisdom. And it’s good to hear I’m not the only one who argues with my TV screen from time to time.
Ha! No, I think we’re not alone, Nancy. 🙂
Yes, yes, yes, and yes. Love this. xoxo, Kathi