2 AM post
Today was a very good day. Really it was lovely. Dr Canada prescribed me some pills, and after two days of being unable to eat – finally I have both appetite and some strength.
Plus my family visited today. Zsolt and I are staying at my parents house for Christmas, and stayed all of last week for not eating, etc, and my brother, his lady and my brother came over.
In addition, I had just enough energy to go to my friends’ annual Christmas Eve Eve party, which is in a bar and relaxed.
So compared to yesterday this was a Christmas miracle.
Another interesting thing about having mets to the brain, is (apart from being unable to eat or feel my face) truly bizarre side effect of lucid visions. Not when I’m ‘awake’ but the minute I close my eyes and try to sleep I see things. Weird and beautiful and distracting things. Mostly I see what looks like cross stitch patterns you might see in a tapestry. Except it is a very clean tapestry and if the vision allows me, I can go in incredibly close to examine the details.
I tried to envision an apple – simple right? What I got instead was this pattern of colour-apple green-stitched in small bundles ultimately forming small squared stitched upon a basic bed of cold grey wove together. And as I watched, more apple green stitches appeared, and I realized they were right up to my face, essentially touching everything I saw.
So, pretty fudge buckets weird or what. Because this wasn’t a dream. I was trying to entire an apple to form from the ether and never expect. By the by, when I open my eyes – I STILL see these objects.
Another vision was of Marie Antoinette with her courtesans in some French garden yard. Except I could see the incredibly fine details of her dress. And I stared more intently at this, the texture began to pour down the back of the dress like black sand emeralds, till all the courtesan and Antoinne morphed into sand and stepped into a wall.
Then I blinked and was back with my husband, the wall lost in the whiteness of his t-shirt.
In time I hope to either get ride of this or get used to it.
In the meanwhile….weird-oh-rama.
It’s reasons like this I’m not keen to try weed again. Life is already enough of a trip.
MERRY CHRISTMAS YOU BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE!!! There are many ways to be kind to one another. And in the wake of yesterday, many of you have founds way to express that to me and Zsolt. Thank you.
PS as I wrote this at 2 AM, I am amazed any one ‘reading this’ was about to understand the incoherent blurb of text that it is! Well done you folks. I’ve tried to fix it a bit today.