Static

Productivity must be a mental muscle, one that I am failing to exercise…because it’s becoming more difficult to get going lately. Unless I have a firm appointment or commitment, I just lay here in the bed and stare at the ceiling. It’s really very ridiculous. There are things that could be done. Heck, this very second I see a pile of clothes that could be sorted, dishes that could be put away, a book I might find interesting, and a package that must be sent.

But that’s all I’m doing. Watching it all. There is an expression about boredom. Something about it being a luxury of those who are spoiled. Well I don’t know about that. Feels more like a curse in some sense. Sometimes it’s a luxury after a hard day. Right now it’s like a heavy blanket I can’t push off. And it’s not the same as rest.

Mind you, it might have more to do with mood, apathy, or something, rather than boredom. Maybe it’s not about being purposeless…just instead…stuck in myself. I keep thinking “you are wasting the days when you feel well! How many will you get, and how many will you regret?” But even that gets me no where.

Just writing this is probably enough; a tiny little flex in that mental muscle.

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13 thoughts on “Static

  1. Actually (sorry, hit Return too quickly) I wonder sometimes whether it has to do with overwhelm. I find, if I’ve signed up to do lots of online courses, for example, I end up not doing any of them because they’re all tugging at my attention and I don’t have the energy for them. Just a thought. 🙂

  2. I hear you Catherine! Sometimes just a little exercise is all you need or can do 🙂

    Take care and no need to judge yourself. You are amazing 🙂

  3. For me, it could be mood, mental or physical fatigue, or procrastination (yup, that one likes to call my name a lot).

    I like to recover from it by being nice to myself with a good book or a bubble bath.

    What’s works best for me is either JP’s acupuncture with his cool meditation CD, or Tony with his meditation style. Then I’m hopping like a kid at Christmas with a giant smile on my face.

    Sending a giant smile for you.

  4. That’s me. Everyday. And I’m at home with two kids! So much to do, no desire to do any of it (beside, of course, providing my children all the necessities – food, clothing and snacks…. so. many. snacks!), as two loads of laundry sit clean, unfolded, mere steps from me. I’ve deleted social media off my phone. Now it’s not as easy to get lost in it and lose time. I used it as an escape. I think it’s the weather too – as it gets nicer, I have more desire.

    Here’s to flexing our mental muscle. Cheers.

  5. Just came across this Mary Oliver poem

    oday I’m flying low and I’m
    not saying a word.
    I’m letting all the voodoos of ambition sleep.

    The world goes on as it must,
    the bees in the garden rumbling a little,
    the fish leaping, the gnats getting eaten.
    And so forth.

    But I’m taking the day off.
    Quiet as a feather.
    I hardly move though really I’m traveling
    a terrific distance.

    Stillness. One of the doors
    into the temple.

    Mary Oliver

    • Just perfect. I think to feel this way about the world, even when everything else feels so static, is a good step forward. Thank you, Marie. Today I am feeling more in motion and will daydream about my voodoos of ambition. 🙂

  6. Pingback: Weekly Round Up | Journeying Beyond Breast Cancer

  7. Hey, whatever happened to the “work at the library” idea? Was it just you and me, or did anyone else sign up? I’m still in, but if it’s just the two of us, we may as well meet at Starbucks :).

    • Hi Lynn,

      Basically I fell asleep on life. But it’s time to wake up! I’m still in. It might just be the two of us, so maybe no need to rent a room. However the workstations at the Beaverbrook library 2nd level are very nice. I’ll email you.

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