Category Archives: Life

Gluten sensitive sucks

Posted in After treatment, Bumpboobs, Food by

Today I’ve been given the results of my gluten test. This is a test where you scrap the inside of the mouth and send it away to a lab for analysis. They analyze and tell you whether you are sensitive to gluten, which can be found in all yummy tasting food incorporating wheat.

Guess what my results were? Bah.

This is why I am pissed off to be gluten sensitive. It feels like another pleasure has been removed. No more pizza, thanks. No more langos, okay? No more toast with butter and honey. No way. Obviously there are worse things than being sensitive to gluten. But nevertheless I am frusterated, I feel – for some reason – like my body has failed again. It’s absolutely maddening, and the only person to be mad at is myself. Where the heck did my genes go wrong? Cats, smoke, mould, gluten and cancer.  All reactions gone haywire.

Yes, I realize this is a pity party. Sometimes when not feeling well I like to have my comforts – Zsolt is a comfort, my bed is a comfort, and cookies are a comfort. Taking away gluten won’t be impossible, but it’s so annoying. It’s taking away a comfort during a time when everything already feels hard.

I’ll get used to this change. Of course – people get used to things. And frankly, being told you’re gluten sensitive is not the worst news a person can hear. At least this is something that I can control, and know 100% it is being managed. For some reason I feel a loss, but it’ll pass. Food isn’t worth mourning . . . or at least, not gluten.

A good thing also happened to me today. I will write about that in a separate post tomorrow, because it was so lovely that I don’t want to taint it with this gluten-centric writing.

Tomorrow!

Sometimes I get angry

Posted in Bumpboobs, Chemotherapy, Life, Treatment by

Alright. Here we go. Radiotherapy has begun and today wasn’t so bad. Honestly, sometimes I get so angry at being in a situation that requires chemo, surgery, radiotherapy, hormone therapy (etc), that it’s  easy to forget the benefits.  Chemotherapy coupled with hormone therapy dropped my chances of re-occurrence from 90% to 50%. Not the whole pizza, but not terrible. And radiotherapy will help ensure I don’t redevelop cancer in the site where the original tumour grew.

These are good things. So when I harp about the possibility of cancer down the line (because admittedly it’s a very low chance of secondary cancer resulting from treatment), it’s mostly defensive against the fact that I have cancer, and that I need to hurt my body to help it.

I’m angry – you know? Not all the time, but sometimes.

However, I nevertheless appreciate the smiling doctor who recollects skating the canal, and the nurses who chat about their day, and the patience with which my left breast is repeatedly checked. I appreciate it.  They are on my side.

So I forget that occasionally and get mad at every damn thing associated with cancer. From the ache in my side to the drip of a medication.

Zsolt pointed out to me today that having such a negative perspective isn’t helping, and he’s right. Sometimes I get angry, but that doesn’t mean I’m not appreciative (even when it doesn’t sound like it).  This crap is hard. I think the treatments could be better – but then, who doesn’t? That’s why bazillions of dollars of research are poured into the area. In twenty years, who knows what great advances will be made?

SO, that’s me eating my words. Filling.

Tomorrow (or sometime soon) I’ll write about radiotherapy – the actual session. It was certainly an experience, if only a brief one, and totally worth sharing.

Time for a cup of tea

Posted in After treatment, Bumpboobs, Food, Treatment by

So here I am sitting at Tragos alone. Alone except for my computer and you, because while writing a post isn’t the purpose of my visit to the coffee shop, I’m pretty pleased to be here and thought it was worth sharing. The original purchase of my laptop was made with the intention of daily visits to Tragos (or the library) while Zsolt wrote his thesis. We thought I could get out of his hair in the mornings.

Well, you-know-what ruined that idea. But nine months later here we are, tea on the table and a gluten free (chocolate) muffin ready to be enjoyed. This blog has been a frequent advertisement for my local coffee/tea/tapas/drinks shop – Tragos in Southampton, and while I’ve come here a tad too often, it’s important to have a place of escape.

Anyhow. That’s it. Here I am, about to get writing. Creating a bumpyboobs post doesn’t count as proper writing; it’s catching up with friends. Chatting a la keyboard.

Okay. I’m OUTTIE FIVE THOUSAND.

Catherine