Morning list of random stuff

Posted in After treatment, Bumpboobs, Fun, Life, Travel, Writing by

Here’s a quickie posting and hello.

Two things I ought to mention:

 1) I really adore the cucumber that hangs outside my bedroom window. I sleep in a basement room, and the plant hangs down into my ‘dug out’ window. This is the loveliest cucumber, and I regret that it’ll soon have to be picked. But what can I do? Use it or lose it.  Well . . .  lose it either way, I suppose, but eat it as a bonus. Feels so savage.

2) Tonight I’m off to Ashbury College to attend a Q & A plus signing with Chef Michael Smith. He’s just released a new cookbook called Chef Michael Smith’s Kitchen. This book is meant to contain 100 of his favourite recipes, which makes me wonder what his other books contain, and whether he’s allowed to do repeat performances of meal ideas. Can this be the ‘greatest hits’ of Michael Smith, and are these really his favourite recipes, and if so – why? And why weren’t they included before?

It’s like a mystery to unpick. But mostly I’m looking forward to sampling the appetizers and listening to this very tall man speak. He says that food is about creating stories. So I’m hoping he’s got some great stories to tell, considering all the food he makes.

I’m excited for tonight. Super cool! Plus it will be my first review for the Ottawa Writers Festival pre-festival line-up. Awesome.

And a few things I’ll ramble on about:

3) I have started taking my vitamins again. It’s this weird personal battle with me – what to do, don’t want to do anything, hate to acknowledge there was ever a problem, and mostly I just want to move on. But I’m part of a large community of women who have fought through cancer one way or another, and when I hear about someone’s reoccurrence it’s so sad (horrible) for them, and completely unnerving for me. This is not the reminder I want, yet it happens, and it says: ‘Keep going Catherine, you lazy butt . Keep fighting this!’ But nevertheless, it happens and then shocks me out the treatment depression. Treatment depression. Sorta like  no-job depression, or not-yet-finished-writing-this-damn-book depression. I have the horrible tendency to do nothing when things fall into a slump. And it takes a lot of effort (or a wake up) to get me moving that ambition once again.  It also takes a lot of effort to be in the slump – cause mentally no one likes to feel stagnant. Horrible stuff. So starting with little things like taking my vitamins and signing up for the local yoga class and visiting  Awakeing Potentials for a session . . . slowly I’m making things better, to become better. I really like better. Or ever more – awesome. I love awesome. And the steps make me feel proactive. Being proactive gives me hope in all areas of life.

4) I’ve started eating scrambled eggs. Free range, preferably vegetable grain fed. For some reason I can suddenly stomach the cooked up puffs of yellow. All other eggs are still not welcome, but scrambled I can handle. It’s a good change.

5) Next week Zsolt and I should be going to Tremblant for a little autumn revelling and family-time. Plus, I’m bringing my laptop and feel intent on locking myself away until this next chapter is finished being forged. Maybe we’ll find a canoe and take to the water?

And this, ladies and gentlemen, has been the ‘I just got up and have all these things on my mind’ list. Brought to you by English Breakfast tea and dried cranberries, which I’ve already finished eating.

Have yourself a wonderful day. I think the weather in Ottawa is outstanding. Ten points to Ontario for having a lovely climate this late into September. Bonus points promised if it lasts into October.

Come on hair, GROW!

Posted in After treatment, Bumpboobs by

Back in England I had a really great hairdresser. She gave me my last haircut pre-chemo, and my first haircut post-chemo. There was a trust. So when I visited her for the final time before moving – hoping she could help tidy my bizarrely curling re-growth, she gave me the following advice: “Catherine, just let it grow.”

Just let it grow.

Four months later I’m at this computer with mop-top hair; it’s thick, it’s curly, it’s straight, it’s blond, it’s brown, it’s crazy. One thing it’s not is long. Longer, yes, but not long.

I don’t know about you, but I crave longer hair. Once in a while I dream of my once straight, chin-length hair and think, “fantastic, I can pull it into a ponytail” only to wake up and realize that no – I can’t. Not yet.

But you know what people keep on telling me, and I bet many short-haired women hear the same: ”It looks great short. You should leave it that way.” My cousin told me the other day that I standout more with short hair.  Well, if I pop with this short hair, I must have kaboomed with my bald head last year.  There’s nothing like being totally bald to totally get noticed. Combine my cue ball looks with the dark nail polish I wore everyday (in hopes of keeping my fingernails) and I was downright punk chic.

And actually, I’ve known women who keep their hair short following chemo and do look fabulous. But for me, I just think back to when the hair started returning . . . that moment I realized there was a shadow across my head (Zsolt pointed it out), and it was fracking hair.  Forget about winning the lottery – hair growth is an incredible feeling.  Happy dances are followed by tears – tears leaking through my newly grown lashes, being whipped across my face and soaking  my newly grown brows. Those first few strands are a promise of normality. The possibility of looking like yourself again.

It was like a promise that everything could pass. A new Catherine was growing.

Anyhow, maybe in fifteen years or so I’ll cut it short again. Variation is the spice of life, and I do like my life tasty. But for now it’s got to keep GROWING. Just because it’s confusing the heck out of me at the moment (it is curly, is it straight, should I cut it, should it grow – is that a MULLET behind my neck?!), doesn’t mean I’ll abandon my goal for achieving a cute, chin length style.

It’s not exactly about looking fabulous – well, okay, it’s always about looking fabulous – but it’s also about moving on with my life. For me, at this time, short hair is linked to a bad year behind me. And so the mop-top needs to grow.

(But, if anyone has any tips on how to grow hair, or what to do with it between acceptable lengths, please pass along your slice of genius. So far I’ve considered the headband (child-like), hair clip (a good idea though I left them all in England), headscarf (but nixed that idea – too chemoesque) and just letting it go wild. Wild has the best results, but as time passes . . .  I’m thinking it’s a little too crazy.)

Brain exploding Rubik’s cubes

Posted in Fun by

 Here’s a story in 100 words. Zsolt is slowly mastering the Rubik’s cube (Hungarian invention) and yesterday decided to teach me the secrets of its colourful patterns and algorithms . . . except my brain has a difference sort of brilliance, and no matter how long I stare at those blocks of colour, I cannot figure how to align a single thing. And then he takes it outta my hands and goes ‘click, clack, clunk’ and BAM – cube is nearly done. That’s when my brain exploded. On the other hand, I’m a much better cook. So I guess we’re even.

P.S. Scientists are sexy! No? Oh, yes.