Hopped up on Ukrainian rock

Posted in Articles, Writing by

Suddenly I’m busy. Today I woke up with xyz on my plate, tonight I’m going to bed with acb, lmn, qrs, and tuv – not to mention the original xyz.  Okay, I overestimate the influx of work – but it’s nevertheless influxing all over my life and I think that’s 100% awesome.

Maybe you know, maybe you don’t, but I’d love to make a living as a writer. Fiction is my heart, blogging is my voice, and type-type-typing is my tool. Why wouldn’t I want to be a successful writer? (Hmmm, or librarian, cause libraries are another great love . . . or both, most ideal and balanced.) Plus, if Zsolt and I are ever going to achieve the ‘international living’ dream between Canada in the autumn and Balaton in the Spring, then a mobile career seems best.

Anyhow, ever since arriving in Ottawa I’ve tried to get things going. Narrative Nipple is shaping up, just need to link the site to the URL, and my blogging is expanding away from Cancer – which is awesome by the way, plus I’m taking a course on freelance writing and this morning I wrote 600 words of my next story. But don’t be fooled by that stupidly low word count; it’s about easing into the story (particularly cause I have no idea on what will happen, who the characters are, what the vibe is like .  . . instead I just write my way in.).

So today I am in a good mood, though slightly overwhelmed as my google calendar begins to fill with obligations, shows, meetings and other cool stuff.

Busy – which is how it should be. Next up on the agenda: Actually earning money.

But you know what, I cannot forget my purpose here – it’s like, essential.  So, today I’ll call the office and book a couple appointments with my mother. It’s time to work through some issues, particularly since  I want all incoming awesomeness to grow and bloom. Panic attacks like the other day are counterproductive. Fear and complacency with ‘what might happen’ are equally unacceptable.

It’s a lesson that needs constant knocking into my brain.

Anyhow – deep breath – here I go.

*Want to hear the crazy music I was listening to while writing this post (accidentally had it repeating and didn’t realize till I was done writing) – check out the music video here: http://www.ukrainia.org/

Panic attacked in the loo

Posted in After treatment, Bumpboobs, Food by

So there I was in the bathroom. Zsolt had suggested I take a hot bath to calm my cramping, and it had sounded like a good idea. Except suddenly they became really strong, and I thought, “oh shit, what if it’s ovarian cancer?” and next thing I know, I’m kneeling on the ground (hadn’t even managed to run my bath) of my parents lovely white tiled bathroom, trying not to pass out – not from the pain (though geeeeez it was painful), but from the fear.

 

Now, I’m not exactly familiar with the panic attack . . . but reckon that the whole “I’m going to pass out” thing is a symptom of the event.

Why did I panic?

Sigh . . .

Because as mentioned in other posts, I’m a wee bit haunted by last year. And now, when things go wrong (today’s situation revolved around strong cramps that wouldn’t let up . . . okay, so about forty minutes after they started everything had subsided . . . but that was one heck of a forty minutes.) my initial thought is: What if it’s cancer?

My second thought today was, “is this what labour feels like?”

Obviously I have issues to work out. I know that. My mom is going to help me. But there’s nothing like dipping back into fear and pain and memories to reiterate the fact that this journey isn’t over. I have a lot of healing to cover.  Which is why, and yes I guess I occasionally need reminding, we came back to Canada. Heal, baby, heal. Make it all feel better.

This is a work in process.

It may be my cramps were triggered (or rather, enhanced) by a few stressful events of late . . . which I guess is quite possible. Way back in grade seven I had my first round of exams – six in one week, or something stupid like that. I broke out in fever and rash. Stress rash. That’s just what happens. And today when my mother said to me, “Catherine, you’re panicking because you think this is worse than it is,” it clicked in my head that I really out to chill. Relax.

And not long after that the pain began to subside.

Anyhow, there you go. But I don’t want to leave you on a sour note. Instead I’d rather leave you on a sweet one.

Want to get hooked on an amazing snack food? Please, feel free to join me in the addiction called “Cha Cha Chipolte”. It’s nuts. NUTS that almonds can taste so fantastic. Okay, here is what you do: Go to your local Bulk Barn or wherever these things are sold, and BUY twenty packets (or just one).  Believe me, you won’t regret this. My family introduced this addictive, sweet, crumbly, soft, crunch, salty treat into my life, and now I’m Ha Ha Hooked.

So today I’ve written about panicking and sweet nuts. Not exactly consistent in theme, but whatever. It’s my blog, I’ll write what I like with it. 🙂

Sa sa see you later. Enjoy the nuts!!

Enjoying the view of home

Posted in Canada, Finding Home, Life, Love, Travel by

This week I receive two emails of Canadiana (sp?) from some lovely ladies who read this blog – seems that the “Canadian Living” post inspired a little bit of Canada reminiscing. From ‘land of the silver birch, home of the beaver’ to reddening maples, sugar shacks, beavertails, loons across the water, cottage days, and even to the sharp dip in September weather; it was pleasing to see that our stories (Zsolt and I combined) touched a chord.  

On my desk in my new office is a painting by a fantastic local artist (who also happens to be the mother of a very good friend). I love her work – her paintings can bring me the chill of a winter morning, the damp of a rocky shore, the electric humidity before a storm, or the ripples of water as you dip your paddle for another push . . . talk about your touch of Canada, if I can write it – she can paint it.

And even better (if you want to get away from the arts) have been the walks. Everyday Zsolt and I go for a walk. He’s trying to learn Kanata so that he doesn’t repeat his ‘one hour walk’ that occurred the year we were married. Zsolt, Anna and Laszlo (his folks) set out for a walk on lovely May morning and didn’t come home for ages. Why? Because they were lost in Kanata. . .wandering street to street, trying to decipher one bungalow from another.

So he’s learning. And I’m enjoying all the green. For all the cookie cutter formulas and expectation in terms of lifestyle – the suburbs most certainly have greenery covered. From the gardens, the trees, the sports fields, and the micro forests . . . I love green.

The painting on my desk depicts an autumn day. It reminds me of walking through Gatineau park – you know the walk circling that deep, narrow lake? (If you even live in Ottawa or Canada, that is . . . and if you don’t, you are probably gagging right now on all this talk of Canada this and Canada that. My apologies.) It reminds me that soon the leaves will turn and another season will arrive. Already the temperature is dropping, and already I’ve stepped on a few crunchy leaves.

All this to say, I love our Canadian landscape. Europe’s got class. The world is an oyster. But oh, Canada, you are beautiful.

(Just don’t ask me to exude so much love come next January – cause by then I think I’ll have had enough of the darkness and ice . . . but for the moment, we’re in a very good place.)

🙂

Quick aside: My energy has been rather low lately; even these leisurely walks are tiring. Maybe it’s the settling in, the jetlag, or my little ‘vacation’ from taking vitamins . . . whatever it is, I’m knackered – and that isn’t cool. This is a problem to be solved asap. Though it could just be the travelling . . .it always gets me.

Another quick aside: Today I was stung by a wasp. What the frack! There I was, hanging out by Young’s Pond – and BAM – pain! Thankfully I’m not allergic, only offended. Stupid wasp.