Funny what writing can bring. I was just typing out a letter to a friend back in Canada who has been thought a similar situation, thanking her for giving me some tips on coping with chemotherapy (Thanks again!), when I looked at a photograph she sent me, and thought – Yeah, I want that.
It’ s a picture of some loons on her lake. This is a lake right by her home, I think she can even see it from her kitchen window. And when I think of that picture, and I think of how she’s moved past her illness and whatever setbacks ensued to find a ‘good place’ like that – and I don’t mean ‘location, location, location’ but the ability to really appreciate her circumstances. . . well, I’m left inspired.
And this is the thing I decided while writing my facebook reply. After this chemo bullshit is all over and done with (and hopefully even before) I am not going to let anything stop my from loving life. I mean – I’m going to love every moment I can – from the clothing I put on in the morning (I’m thinking something with bold colours and flowing material, particularly while it’s warm) to the food placed in my mouth (chocolate croissants for breakfast) to singing aloud in the shower without worry for the neighbours, to going out often and meeting with friends, to making sweet wonderful love to my husband, to actually pursing my talents instead of creating a list of excuses.
Cancer is in my life for some reason, so it better be a damn good one. Maybe there’s a moment when you find purpose for what happens, or maybe that never comes . . . maybe we need to create our purpose instead. I don’t know. I have avoided philosophy ever since dating a fellow who never stopped philosophizing. BUT some stuff demands consideration. So this is part of my purpose: to not forget how good life is. Things are good. Even when they’re bad, somewhere there’s a piece of good. For me, at this moment, it’s the support that I’ve been receiving. Thanks everyone, everyone, everyone and everyone. It is a huge help.
Okay, I’m going to take a shower and fix my hair; a hurricane passed through it and I never bothered cleaning up. And if it falls out from the shampoo, well, it falls out. But at least it’ll look good now.