Today I have an appointment at the fertility clinic. What this appointment is about, well – no one seems to know.

I don’t know. Zsolt doesn’t know. The nurses don’t know. But the appointment exists and since we didn’t cancel it properly all of three months ago when receiving notice of the booking, we’re going in.

I had tried to cancel this meeting. Calling up the breast care nurses we’d had a conversation about why this meeting was scheduled and had concluded it was a mistake. The nurse said she’d cancel it for me and I decided not to worry. That was three months ago.

Last Friday while having just received the dopy drug into my vein, the chemo nurse says, “So, I see you’ll be going to the Princess Ann on Monday.”

“No . . .” My body is sinking.

“Yes,” she replies. “Someone called for your notes yesterday. You have an appointment with the Fertility clinic.”

“What ?” And the world feels so heavy. “We cancelled that meeting.”

“Oh.”

“Do I have to go?” Even my thoughts are getting heavy: have I done something wrong? Will this mistake get me in trouble?

The nurse now wishes aloud that she hadn’t mentioned the appointment because there I am drugged up trying to contemplate another unexpected twist. Thoughts of invitro fertilization and Zolodex are running through my head and I can’t help thinking, “why do they spring these things last minute?” When really, the appointment has been set for three months – regardless of my ignorance to that fact.

Could we still cancel the meeting? It was Friday afternoon, and the meeting was for today – Monday. Should we cancel the meeting? Maybe the doctor will be able to provide new options, or let me know what happens next, or tell how we can check fertility in the future. . . maybe it’s fate that the meeting wasn’t cancelled.

Anyhow, I generally think it’s rude to cancel without sufficient notice. Therefore we are going to this appointment with the doctor who is – as he once mentioned – extremely busy. People wait ages for an appointment, and we’ll be walking in saying something like: hey, how’s it going? Long time no see . . . why are we here?

Oh well. Worst case scenario everyone is confused and we leave within five minutes. Best case – I don’t know! We’ll see.