Category Archives: Love

I’m lucky to have my mom

Posted in Life, Love by

My mom and I go for tea and talk about all kind of things. It’s nice. I guess maybe it’s a relationship everyone has with their mother, but then again, maybe not. This morning “us kids” went over to my parents house to help work on the garden – me, Zsolt and my little brother. The day was spent pulling up weeds and making the flower beds look tidy. I’m still not sure if this was actually a good Mother’s Day gift, since my mom was right there in the yard fixing things up alongside us and that cannot have been relaxing, even if it was helpful. I kept trying to get her to stop, but I guess the job really did need to get done – and get done properly.

But anyhow, on the way home I somehow got to thinking about sisters. My little brother – who isn’t actually so little, and was driving us home in his car – asked me if I feel like I missed out on something by never having a sister. So I thought that over, and thought about my friends who have sisters. Well, maybe I missed out on a closeness that seems to happen between sisters, but then I think about my mom. We get along very well. We’re both stubborn, and both quite sensitive, and both like having time together. So, I therefore concluded in my brother’s car that maybe I didn’t miss out on anything too much since I have my mom to be friends with.

We go for tea and talk all about everything. But I especially love that we can talk about our work and we so get it. We get one another’s habits, and can talk about one another’s projects, and know one another’s challenges. We take turns reflecting, and then turns in observing. We drink out tea and we are easy in one another’s company.

Plus we made this video, which I’ll share here again because it is Mother’s Day. I’m very lucky to have my mom. 🙂

Once again, Happy Mother’s Day, Mom. 🙂

Life between the scans

Posted in Bumpboobs, Life, Life despite cancer, Love, Travel, Writing by

So, upon my request, my oncology and CT appointments are being moved.

It’s funny, a lot of this business with cancer really does take place in the mind. I happen to be in the very fortunate circumstance where there isn’t any pain. Many others don’t have that luxury, but I do and I am thankful for this moment. The pain in my chest has quieted down, and I only get that wheeze when my anxiety kicks in. Actually, as I’ve said before, different moods seem to trigger different reactions in my chest.

Anyhow, all that to say, the appointments are being moved. Some may say it’s risky to move the scan back five weeks. But there are always risks in this “game” of health. There’s the risk of over-treating, the risk of under-treating, the risk of too much radiation, the risk of not knowing what is happening, the risk of knowing too much, the risk of knowing too little.

Or I guess you could say, they are the choices. There are a lot of choices, and yet sometime it also feels like I have no choice at all. This shit is happening and I am dealing.

little bug

Lady Bug. She’s happy to offer a distraction from the swearing in this post.

I have chosen to move my CT scan by five weeks so that for just a little window of time, it can feel like life isn’t all about cancer. This isn’t a cowardly decision, it’s a brave one. That’s how I see it. What is life all about anyhow? Is it about the terror of scans and the waiting for results? Fuck no. Those are not the benchmarks I want to live by. I get the need to be aware and be strategic and yet I need my dose of “normal” too.

Anyhow. Don’t get me started 🙂

The scans are postponed and I’m happy about it (and apparently defensive). They aren’t gone, but they will keep. And then, once they arrive, life will reboot and we’ll start again from scratch. That’s what it feels like after each of these tests, it feels like starting again from scratch – for better or for worse and no matter what the news, I need to recover and rebuild.

In the meanwhile, I’m dreaming again. It’s a possibly bad habit that I am associating my happiness with my busy project creation, but ever since last year I’ve been compelled to go-go-go.

There is the book, my Literary Love, which I will leave alone for a little while apart from a book signing in June.

And I’m also working on a project to help local writers find one another more easily within Ottawa. Kevin and I are creating a podcast to go with the #OttawaWrites venture, and that is rather exciting. More news to come.

Zsolt and I maintain our big dream of living in both countries, though I’m honestly scared sometimes we won’t get to realize those moments if we keep putting them off. Next year is our ten year anniversary and Zsolt wants us to go back to Nice where we met. 🙂 He is awfully romantic. And I just want to make it there. I want to make it there, and then I want to make it much, much further for years upon years of growing businesses, travelling to Hungary and back, visiting new places, writing in this blog and so much more. Maybe we’ll get a dog?

I’d love to start planning writing retreats for writers, bloggers, authors, etc. Can you imagine going somewhere beautiful and being encouraged to write, write, write while also having a group of like-minded folks to bounce off ideas? A special time made just for you and your passion? That’s what I’d like to do, and I have absolutely no idea how to start that rolling!

Hello gorgeous place to write and retreat! This is from Le Nordic outside of Ottawa, it’s a cabin in the woods by a spa with about 10 different saunas, rest spaces and excuses to live in your bathrobe.

I’d like to also maybe one day set up a writer’s house – which would work just like those shared office hubs – where people could book time to come and work/write and have resources for editing, designing, printing etc. And this place would be in a gorgeous location that feels like a retreat even though it’s really connected to town. 🙂 I don’t know. I just feel like creating and entrepreneuring 🙂

Plus, I want to give myself time for my own personal creativity – whatever that may be. My next project may not be a book, or maybe it will be . . . I don’t know until I find the quiet space in which to experiment. I have this mental image of throwing spaghatti against the wall till something sticks. That’s kinda the way it goes with me and my mind.

So many ideas.

So many ambitions.

There is so much life to live in between the scans. Putting them off five weeks is a good compromise, I guess. Ideally I’d run away from everything and go live on a beach with Zsolt somewhere. But since isn’t an option . . . five extra weeks, and then we’ll start again.

P.S.

Holy Moly, look what just landed in my inbox today (1 day after the post). Did some sophisticated cookies or internet spiders do this? I swear I didn’t google Nice, France, I only wrote it in the blog. I’m quitely freaking out now as I read way too much into this as a sign . . .when it could simply be very strategic marketing. How is a girl meant to distinguish a sign from the universe from google ninja internet crawlers?! Now I’m all “maybe we should jump on a plane now while we can!” vs “be practical, you are saving for big dreams!”  Air Canada, you done confused me. Probably best to ignore the coincidence since it’s most likely google ninja crawlers. . . I hope, hope, hope.

Air Canada

Book Launch Recap and Pictures for #ClaireNE

Posted in Life, Love, Novels and Stories, Writing by

927944_246674885537252_714669401_nWhile I try sorting out having my CT scan moved till after my B-Day (Onco appointment moved, but the scan needs to utbe fixed. I just got my two weeks letter yesterday), you can enjoy these pictures from the book launch!

My facebook page has the whole album, so I’ll leave most there and just share a few here while I describe the party.

Thank you to everyone who made it such a great success.

My mom did fortune telling 🙂

My brother JP who practises traditional Chinese medicine and acupuncture donated two sessions to the bingo draw.

My friend Catherine made three batches of homemade cookies – some were even gluten free.

Domicile allowed us to use their space, and were so great about helping set up. The ladies there for Domicile were totally charming.

016 copy 2

FacingCancer.ca & Look Good Feel Better donated two stunning watches.

Lou Truss donated a photo session and took photos of the event (which you can see on the facebook page)

AND Lise Boivin provided gorgeous paintings of local nature scenes on which people could bid. (She’s also the only lady without a web presence, but if you want to get in touch with her just shoot me an email.)

1All together, we drank many massive bottles of wine (Zsolt was the bartender, and a wine-enthusiast for the night), had well over 50 people come along across the evening, got the book into more people’s hands, had folks dropping in from off the street, raised over $800 for A Fresh Chapter, flipped through 140 slides, had at least ½ a dozen fortunes read, ate many beautiful and yummy homemade cookies, snacked on a spread designed by Costco, mom and my dad, had three bingo winners, and enjoyed many, many happy conversations.

It was great. 🙂

And whew, now it’s done. 🙂

Facebook page with pictures, once more.

Oh! And if you want to grab a book for Mother’s Day and you are in Ottawa – Chapters in Kanata has several copies avaiable.

Thank you so much to everyone who took the time to come. I so very much appreciate you being there. And for those who missed it, thank you for all the good wishes and thoughts. It was a great success, I reckon!