Well it’s the middle of the week and all is well. Quite happily my eye appointment was moved into May, and apart from an MRI of my brain next week, I can comfortably continue getting on with smaller things. Just this morning I decided to lay late in bed and indulge in more sleep. And it was just so lovely because my hips were not sore, my lungs were not thick, my guts didn’t hurt and my head was screwed on. All is well.

The fatigue continues to be a problem. But when things come up, I try to push past that heavy body feeling. For instance, the other day we celebrated a birthday in the family. I prepared all kinds of appetizers, as well as a painting craft. It knocked the stuffing out of me, but the food was great.

And then I had visits from friends and family. This of course is very special. If I had the mojo, I’d write a lovely post about how much it meant to me – but I don’t really have it in me right now. Except that my aunt and cousin flew in from the USA for literally 1.5 days worth of visiting me. Once upon a time, they had a cottage in Quebec, and we would all gather there as a family during the holidays. I still like to remember going to the village coffee shop, or walking around the Tremblant village, or enjoying movies in the basement. It was also where Lulu spent her final days. I think her being able to live in such a beautiful setting was such a gift, and such a sacrifice on the part of my aunt, who took care of her each day.

When then came to visit me the other day, it was a bit like the cottage again, in that we just hung out and ate and chatted. It made me wish they all lived closer. But life takes us in many separate directions, and there isn’t much to be done about it.

And finally, Zsolt and I bought ourselves a car. It’s a little 2011 Fiesta. We bought it because when I looked at my list of goals for ‘mission remission’ last year – literally none of them had come true. We even tried to get a puppy, only to find I’m crazy allergic to poodles. So for the past month we have been browsing autotrader.ca. Because of being too easily overwhelmed, we often saw interesting/affordable options but then I couldn’t bring myself to follow through on the steps for purchasing. But eventually we found the little Fiesta, and it was easier to manage the purchase. SO for the sake of ticking a box and having something that is ours, and for going to appointments and, most importantly, having adventures, we bought the car.

I should feel a lot more excited about it than I currently am. Maybe once the nerves wear off excitement will follow? Maybe once spring truly arrives, and we can road trip around Ottawa and enjoy the sunshine… hopefully then I’ll be all smiles. Maybe it needs a name?. That might be the key.

And there you go. This isn’t much of a post, but it is an update. Sooner or later I’ll write a proper story about something interesting. In the meanwhile, you can imagine us in this tiny car driving around the city. Or me sleeping in bed. Whatever floats your boat, you weirdos!


Productivity must be a mental muscle, one that I am failing to exercise…because it’s becoming more difficult to get going lately. Unless I have a firm appointment or commitment, I just lay here in the bed and stare at the ceiling. It’s really very ridiculous. There are things that could be done. Heck, this very second I see a pile of clothes that could be sorted, dishes that could be put away, a book I might find interesting, and a package that must be sent.

But that’s all I’m doing. Watching it all. There is an expression about boredom. Something about it being a luxury of those who are spoiled. Well I don’t know about that. Feels more like a curse in some sense. Sometimes it’s a luxury after a hard day. Right now it’s like a heavy blanket I can’t push off. And it’s not the same as rest.

Mind you, it might have more to do with mood, apathy, or something, rather than boredom. Maybe it’s not about being purposeless…just instead…stuck in myself. I keep thinking “you are wasting the days when you feel well! How many will you get, and how many will you regret?” But even that gets me no where.

Just writing this is probably enough; a tiny little flex in that mental muscle.

Hair Care

Sometimes I take a shower, shampoo my head and style my  hair. It looks something like this . . .

Then I go out into the Canadian Winter with my hat on, OR I take a nap OR I do anything except sit still as a mannequin,  and it becomes something like this…

The next day, Mom and I go for a cup of tea. I’m too tired for a shower and assume my appearance is fine. But my hair is sneaky and does something like this…

The next day, I’m off to another tea shop (because that’s basically all I can manage lately) and forget to look in the mirror at all, having just woken from yet another nap and needing to rush myself back to the land of the awake. But then I go to the ladies room at the cafe.

Upon looking in the mirror I realize I look something like this:


Then this

Then, after a while, this…

Because what can you do? At least it is hair. And hey, at least I’m out of the house.

That’s the end of my story.

Time for a nap.

P.S. That sweater is wool, you would wear it every day too if you felt as cold as I get!